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22 Tweets About Assigned FBI Agents That Are Funny AF

*waves gleefully at webcam*

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1. This Britney-inspired motto:

I don’t have a sticker over my laptop camera because if Britney Spears taught me one thing from her pop masterpiece…

2. An unsolicited update:

To the FBI agent in my phone that updated my Snapchat without my permission yo moms a hoe

3. This intimate conversation:

My boyfriend: *leaves the room* The fbi agent in my webcam: No I totally see what you mean. Me: right? He's weird…

4. This moment of acknowledgement:

The fbi man behind my webcam whenever I retweet “fbi man who’s spying on me” memes:

5. This dream scenario:

Beyoncé: *purchases new laptop and uses it for the first time* The FBI Agent that's assigned to her:

6. A very specific demand:

i don’t even care if the fbi is spying on me through my webcam i just don’t want them to see me in an ugly angle

7. This ritual:

Once I'm certain my parents have gone to bed, I carefully peel back the tape from my webcam and hold out my palm. A…

8. This relatable reaction:

The fbi man in my webcam seeing me rewatch The Office for the 50th time

9. This moment of frustration:

My FBI agent quitting after watching me text back in 10 seconds to someone who took a week to respond to me for the…

10. This overreaction:

my fbi agent watching me cry over fictional characters and people who have no idea I exist

11. What one would call a "slow day at the office"

i ate an english muffin in front of my computer screen yesterday and today i scrolled past an ad for english muffin…

12. This deep thought:

i was watching porn today and wondered if the fbi agent assigned to me knows what kinda freak hoe i am

13. This appalling truth:

i can’t believe my assigned fbi agent just lets me sleep in and be late for work all the time

14. This moment of self-awareness and paranoia:

FBI agent assigned to me: how do i know this ain’t the other way around and this bitch ain’t hacking me?? he watch…

15. THIS:

Y’all i just caught the FBI agent that’s assigned to my phone

16. A puzzling theory:

wait ,,, if everyone has an FBI agent assigned to them ,, doesnt that mean FBI agents have FBI agents

17. This supportive reaction:

the fbi agent assigned to me when i perform my nightly depression monologue in front of my laptop

18. This troublesome call log:

How am I supposed to explain this to my assigned FBI Agent

19. This mystery:

My assigned FBI agent trying figure out what movie I watched to mess up our Netflix algorithm.

20. This last-straw:

i was thinking about something and then i decided to google it and i typed ONE letter and it was the first mf search option AND I JUST WANNA TALK TO MY ASSIGNED FBI AGENT AND LET THEN KNOW TO NOT BE RUDE AND LEMME FINISH MY MF SENTENCE

21. This movie synopsis:

Our generation better come out with a rom com in which an FBI agent falls in love with the woman whose webcam he’s assigned to and it’s all about the lengths he goes through to meet her. And it needs to be called “F.B.I Love You”

22. And finally, this polarizing realization:

To the FBI agent assigned to watch me through my phone: Either I am so so sorry or you’re so so welcome, depending on what you’re into.

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