1. You see some clowns.
Hello. It is early 'o' clock outside Kensington Olympia. There are a lot of thirsty middle-aged men waiting outside and they are being pestered by some clowns. I'm not talking to them because I'm about to drink a whole load of beer at a time when I'd normally be eating Weetabix, and frankly I have more important things on my mind.
I am to be a judge in one of six categories – Milds, Bitters, Best Bitters, Strong Bitters, Golden Ales, and Speciality Beers. But which?