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    29 Things Only Grinches Who Hate Christmas Know To Be True

    We are the silent majority.

    1. "It's starting earlier and earlier every year!" you're told. / Via

    Yes. Another reminder of our hopelessly materialistic and infantile society's short attention span and rampaging need for external stimuli.

    2. All around the world, there's joy and cheer!


    Which is awful.

    3. It feels like you're the only person who's not getting ludicrously carried away.

    4. Still, let's get in the Christmas spirit and put the tree up.

    5. If you have children or animals in the house, you've probably learned that a small shrub is actually the only sensible option.

    6. Hate Christmas trees.

    7. OK, but you can put some tasteful lights up outside, right?

    WRONG. There is no such thing as a tasteful set of fairy lights.

    8. Reminder that these, too, are more hassle than it's worth.

    9. True fact: There is nothing on earth more prone to getting tangled than fairy lights, including all forms of mammalian hair.

    Then after five minutes one blows and the whole circuit goes down. You don't fix them because you always suspected they were a giant fire hazard in the first place.

    10. Still, it's time for some last-minute Christmas shopping now!

    Luke Macgregor / Reuters

    These people, like you, spent November praying the shopping would just sort of happen somehow. And they didn't "just do it all online", because that's cheating, damn it.

    Within two hours you'll be frostbitten from the cold outside, severely dehydrated because you've been wearing your winter coat in searing hot department stores, tired, angry, and you still won't have found anything your friends and relatives wanted.

    11. You remember the spirit of Christmas is screwed.

    At what point in our social development did a festival about altruism and the joy of giving turn into a relentless, remorseless parade of materialistic greed and unbridled gluttony?

    12. It just feels like Santa's working harder and harder every year.

    All I want for Christmas is...what? #ChristmasFail

    Country 101.1@country1011fmFollow

    All I want for Christmas is...what? #ChristmasFail

    12:21 PM - 03 Dec 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

    13. In summary: The Christmas shopping experience in one simple picture.

    @TheEllenShow I think my niece and nephew really like him <img src=""> #SantaFail

    Jessica Messmer@JessMessmerFollow

    @TheEllenShow I think my niece and nephew really like him <img src=""> #SantaFail

    10:29 PM - 08 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

    You are all three of these individuals, all at once.

    14. The big day comes, and it's time to see the family!

    Universal Pictures / Via

    Despite your protests.

    15. Why is it you only see them once a year again?

    Oh, that's right. You hate them.

    16. Still, you all do your best to get in the party mood.

    Faces of Christmas.

    17. It's gift time!

    No one got what they wanted, but they all expected that.

    18. But suddenly, things begin to look up.

    Is this really the solution to your woes?

    19. Shut up. Of course it is.


    And pretty soon everyone else has come to the same conclusion.

    20. Drink follows drink follows drink. For a while you are happy, encased in a lovely velvety blanket of alcohol.

    CHRISTMAS DRINKING GAME Place a Santa hat on the corner of your TV and every time someone wears it... DRINK

    Ross Hammond@RossGraphitasFollow


    Place a Santa hat on the corner of your TV and every time someone wears it... DRINK

    9:00 AM - 05 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

    21. You don't even notice you've been eating chocolates that look like this all day.

    22. Or that the turkey was overcooked.

    23. Then someone says something they shouldn't have. It's about to get fighty.

    Universal Pictures

    All that booze doesn't seem like a good idea now, huh?

    24. Within minutes, it's war.

    If the rest of the evening passes in a stony silence or with a vaguely uncomforable atmosphere you can consider it a result.

    25. At best, everyone now has the same face as Tony Blair.

    Perhaps the oddest thing about Tony Blair&#x27;s threatening Christmas card is that this must have been the BEST photo...

    The Media Blog@TheMediaTweetsFollow

    Perhaps the oddest thing about Tony Blair's threatening Christmas card is that this must have been the BEST photo...

    6:55 PM - 01 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

    26. Worst-case scenario:

    Bonus points if someone accuses someone else of "ruining Christmas", or says the words "We are never coming here again".

    27. By the time the evening is out, you are tired, drunk, and depressed.

    28. There is only one option next year. Leave the country.

    Oh no! #christmas #santafail


    Oh no! #christmas #santafail

    11:54 PM - 23 Dec 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

    29. Same time next year, everyone?

    Grumpy Cat

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