Important reminder. What works for Jeff Daniels in Arachnophobia just isn't the best policy for the average homeowner.
Basically, people keep burning down their houses when trying to kill spiders.
The Mirror recently reported: "In June a woman in Kansas was arrested for arson after she allegedly tried to kill one by setting a pile of towels on fire with a cigarette lighter."
Then, in July, Komo News reported that a man in Seattle had done $40,000 worth of damage to his house by trying to kill a spider with a lighter and some spray paint.
The station quoted Kyle Moore of the Seattle fire department: "There are safer, more effective ways to kill a spider than using fire. Fire is not the method to use to kill a spider."
Last week, firefighters had to put out a fire in Bridgend, South Wales, after a woman sprayed a spider with an aerosol and set it alight.
This is now officially a trend.
You need to know if your home is at risk. From you. And the only way to do so is with the time-honoured tool of a BuzzFeed quiz.
BE WARNED: It contains GIFs of spiders. If you're really scared of them, you probably don't want to scroll down.
Nuke the bathroom from orbit.Fetch the flamethrower.This is why you always keep a baseball bat handy.Just use the toilet. It won't hurt you. Look! Spiders are kind of cute!
The hellmouth has opened.They want to eat my face.Why has thou forsaken me?Bit mean to disturb their home.
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.NOPE NOPE NOPE.NOPE.It's a big spider eating a snake and I'm not sure I'm OK with that.A marvellous GIF that shows Nature, red in tooth and claw.
Failed to put on the right protective clothing.Failed to bulldoze his house down.Failed to ask his friends for help, which in this case means "a large machine gun".He should have put the bucket on the spider calmly and quickly like Benedict Cumberbatch or someone would.
A vision of purest hell.Something that will make it impossible for me to sleep for the next week.All of my nightmares in one short GIF.Just a parent looking after its babies.
They are dead. As is the person filming it. They should never have angered it.They might well be dead. At the very least, they needed emergency hospital treatment.They're probably fine. Either that or they're definitely dead. Probably the latter.They're fine. Most spiders aren't even poisonous.
You're going to have to give me Scrooge McDuck money.This would be adequate.Whatever's-in-Kanye's wallet at any one time kind of amounts.I'd do it for free because that just isn't that scary.
How Scared Of Spiders Are You Actually?
To be blunt, they are walking nightmares. If all life on earth has to be wiped out in order to be sure there are no more of these eight-legged monstrosities, I'm pretty much fine with that.
There is nothing scarier than a spider besides, at a push, a clown. I've got no issue with burning my house down to take one out. I wouldn't have a problem with torching the whole street, to be honest.
There are worse things in life. But not many. Spiders are terrible and they need to be stopped. If that involves the army, I'm OK with that.
OK, OK, we're all God's creatures and everything, but there's a line, and it starts with something that has eight legs and looks like a walking nightmare.
Come on, people. GET A GRIP.
Oops! This post originally got Jeff Daniels and Jeff Bridges muddled up. This is a good opportunity to note both Jeffs are awesome.