Updated on May 28, 2019. Posted on May 28, 2019

    Don’t Leave Your House If You Want Any Peace Because Rory Stewart Is Wandering Around Trying To Debate People

    “I was going to nip to the shop but I’m scared Rory Stewart will be out there, trying to debate me.”

    This man is not a singer-songwriter.

    In “Candidate”, singer-songwriter Rory Stewart overlays sparse electronica and acoustic guitar with ironic, fragile vocals 3.5/5 (touring this week, check listings section for details)

    Nor is he a Scandinavian detective.

    Coming soon to BBC4 - Röry Röry Stewart investigates a mysterious disappearance from the House of Commons where the Honourable Member for Sheffield Hallam hasn't been seen for months.

    Nor, as this ~hilarious~ tweet jokes, is he an important literary figure from history.

    Rory Stewart (1772-1823) was an English poet, literary critic, and philosopher renowned as a central influence in the Romantic Movement and one of the lake poets. He was a key figure in the introduction of German idealism to the literary scene. His laudanum addiction rendered him

    His name is Rory Stewart, he is running to be Tory leader, and he wants a debate. He’ll debate you in Borough Market.

    In Borough Market now - come and see me anytime if you’d like to talk or challenge me!

    He’ll debate you in Barking.

    It is so deeply refreshing to get out of the bubble and see a thousand opportunities for a government that actually wanted to get things done. #Imstayinginbarking

    He’ll debate you in Costa, if you can’t find him in McDonald’s.

    Someone has just driven 30 minutes to get here to talk and just found me having been searching fruitlessly in McDonalds - so if anyone is looking for me I’m now in Costa opposite Barking station

    He’ll debate you in variations of the Persian language.

    Practising my now - rather rusty - Dari. #Barking

    He’ll debate you in Kew Gardens (assuming you’re willing to pay the entry fee) while apparently pretending to hold his phone.

    Is Rory Stewart's entire campaign strategy just using Twitter to ask people out for a fight around London https://t.co/NMxv71ecsc

    He’ll debate you in your home.

    Rory Stewart is in your kitchen for the next hour if you want to chat about Brexit

    He’ll debate you on the phone.

    Rory Stewart keeps calling me from a series of blocked numbers demanding I debate him

    There is no escape.

    rory stewart sliding out from your under your bed like that guy in luther

    I was going to nip to the shop but I’m scared Rory Stewart will be out there, trying to debate me.

    Is Rory Stewart just going round dogging sites screaming debate me at folk?

    He is everywhere.

    Rory Stewart is in your garden. He's in the bushes. He wants to debate with you. Rory Stewart is in your kitchen. Here, have a cup of tea. He wants to talk to you. Rory Stewart is in your head. He hears your thoughts. You cannot escape. He will make you one of his.

    you're being chased by Rory Stewart, he wants to debate you. you jump in a taxi and escape. you breathe a sigh of relief. the driver turns around. it's Rory Stewart

    I come in, get into bed, feeling quite sleepy. I could feel the lids of me eyes beginning to droop, about to drop off when — tap, tap, tap at the bloody window pane. I looked out. You know who it was? Who? Bloody Rory Stewart. That’s who. Bloody Rory Stewart saying “debate me”.

    Tomorrow: Wigan. The next day: the world?

    Tomorrow the plan is that the dodgy camera and I are going to leave voting Wigan https://t.co/nFX46cY58q

    Alan White is a news editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.

    Contact Alan White at alan.white@buzzfeed.com.

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