OK. Here is Twitter user daniel_barker.
On 13 January, Daniel was a bit miffed because people hadn't wished him a happy birthday.
You know, in some ways, I do regret having tweeted this.
~@daniel_barkerFollow
You know, in some ways, I do regret having tweeted this.
12:21 PM - 02 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Now you need to meet Twitter user FrogCroakley.
He's Daniel's friend in real life.
For Daniel's birthday, he sang him a song.
@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U I'LL BREAK U IN TWO MY OLD MAN'S A MUSHROOM AND I LIKE TO COOK STEW
Regular Frog@FrogCroakleyFollow
@daniel_barker
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U
I'LL BREAK U IN TWO
MY OLD MAN'S A MUSHROOM
AND I LIKE TO COOK STEW
12:34 PM - 13 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU PREPARE FOR VERSE TWO IT'S LOUDER AND DEEPER AND THE THIRD WILL BE TOO
@daniel_barker
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
PREPARE FOR VERSE TWO
IT'S LOUDER AND DEEPER
AND THE THIRD WILL BE TOO
1:02 PM - 13 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Which got a bit weird.
@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LORD YOU MUST READY THY SWORD A MONSTER AWAKENS IN A CAVE UNEXPLORED
@daniel_barker
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LORD
YOU MUST READY THY SWORD
A MONSTER AWAKENS
IN A CAVE UNEXPLORED
1:06 PM - 13 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
This continues for a great many tweets.
.@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME IT'S MINE NOW, YOU SEE BECAUSE I HAVE TAKEN YOUR IDENTITY
.@daniel_barker
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
IT'S MINE NOW, YOU SEE
BECAUSE I HAVE TAKEN
YOUR IDENTITY
1:14 PM - 13 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
And he was still singing the next day.
.@daniel_barker @aanand HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SON A NEW DAY IS BEGUN I HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR MORE BIRTHDAY FUN
.@daniel_barker @aanand
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SON
A NEW DAY IS BEGUN
I HOPE YOU ARE READY
FOR MORE BIRTHDAY FUN
7:33 AM - 14 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
.@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TO YOUR INSTINCTS BE TRUE THE TIMER IS TICKING RED WIRE OR BLUE
.@daniel_barker
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
TO YOUR INSTINCTS BE TRUE
THE TIMER IS TICKING
RED WIRE OR BLUE
7:44 AM - 14 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
He also introduced some clowns. They would become a running theme.
Smash cut to me smacking a stick against a shipping container, rousing 15 weary clowns to begin a second day of @daniel_barker 's birthday.
Smash cut to me smacking a stick against a shipping container, rousing 15 weary clowns to begin a second day of @daniel_barker 's birthday.
9:38 AM - 14 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Day three, and he's still singing.
@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY - IT'S IN YOU THAT FIRE IN YOUR SINEWS IT SHAN'T BE EXTINGUISHED WHILE THE PARTY CONTINUES
@daniel_barker
HAPPY BIRTHDAY - IT'S IN YOU
THAT FIRE IN YOUR SINEWS
IT SHAN'T BE EXTINGUISHED
WHILE THE PARTY CONTINUES
8:43 AM - 15 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Daniel's birthday is now taking place in what he describes as a "stricken, alternate London".
200 emaciated clowns toil at a vast capstan, clanking as it hauls a banner reading "HAPPY BIRTHDAY @daniel_barker " over all of East London.
200 emaciated clowns toil at a vast capstan, clanking as it hauls a banner reading "HAPPY BIRTHDAY @daniel_barker " over all of East London.
8:46 AM - 15 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Hunched workers hurriedly don party hats as they pass police checkpoints; @daniel_barker glowers from behind a cake on titanic billboards.
Hunched workers hurriedly don party hats as they pass police checkpoints; @daniel_barker glowers from behind a cake on titanic billboards.
8:52 AM - 15 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
A leaden bell tolls under a heavy sky; in an echoing stone hall, @daniel_barker weeps softly as expressionless butlers haul in another cake
A leaden bell tolls under a heavy sky; in an echoing stone hall, @daniel_barker weeps softly as expressionless butlers haul in another cake
8:57 AM - 15 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
It's day four now, and the tone of Mr Croakley's tweets is becoming increasingly nightmarish.
@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR HEART WE MUST ALL PLAY OUR PART IN CHEERING YOUR BIRTHDAY TIL OUR NECKS FALL APART
@daniel_barker
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR HEART
WE MUST ALL PLAY OUR PART
IN CHEERING YOUR BIRTHDAY
TIL OUR NECKS FALL APART
8:19 AM - 16 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Dawn over London; a rusted, umanned zeppelin drops another load of confetti over the lifeless city in honour of @daniel_barker 's birthday.
Dawn over London; a rusted, umanned zeppelin drops another load of confetti over the lifeless city in honour of @daniel_barker 's birthday.
8:21 AM - 16 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
It's now day five. Daniel had been told, via text message, that the tweets would stop. But...
@daniel_barker ...
@daniel_barker
...
9:31 AM - 17 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
...this was a lie.
@daniel_barker HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONCE MORE WE'RE ONTO DAY FOUR THERE'S A HULKING ALBINO WITH A CAKE AT YOUR DOOR
@daniel_barker
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONCE MORE
WE'RE ONTO DAY FOUR
THERE'S A HULKING ALBINO
WITH A CAKE AT YOUR DOOR
9:34 AM - 17 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
If anything, London has become even more of a dystopia.
In tallow-lit catacombs beneath London, 4,000 withered orphans begin their daily toil on a mile-wide tapestry of @daniel_barker's face
In tallow-lit catacombs beneath London, 4,000 withered orphans begin their daily toil on a mile-wide tapestry of @daniel_barker's face
9:37 AM - 17 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Sat on a marble throne, @daniel_barker frowns. The Scottish delegation's birthday offering is poor; they will be ushered into The Microwave.
Sat on a marble throne, @daniel_barker frowns. The Scottish delegation's birthday offering is poor; they will be ushered into The Microwave.
9:40 AM - 17 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
I hope that everyone will do what is right, and join me in wishing @daniel_barker a very, very happy birthday.
I hope that everyone will do what is right, and join me in wishing @daniel_barker a very, very happy birthday.
9:46 AM - 17 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
It's day six now, and Daniel is, in Mr Croakley's words, "a despot reigning over a world depleted and enfeebled by constant and joyless celebration".
A scowling man stalks a slum, ringing a bell; bowed commoners bring forth the meagre cakes they are obliged to bake daily for @Daniel_barker
A scowling man stalks a slum, ringing a bell; bowed commoners bring forth the meagre cakes they are obliged to bake daily for @Daniel_barker
8:58 AM - 18 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Meanwhile in orbit, a vastly expensive operation reaches its zenith, as a captured asteroid spins end over end and hurtles toward the moon
Meanwhile in orbit, a vastly expensive operation reaches its zenith, as a captured asteroid spins end over end and hurtles toward the moon
9:00 AM - 18 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Ejecta from the impact spells "HAPY BIRTHDAY", twinkling in the dawn. @daniel_barker has the man responsible for the spelling error drowned.
Ejecta from the impact spells "HAPY BIRTHDAY", twinkling in the dawn. @daniel_barker has the man responsible for the spelling error drowned.
9:04 AM - 18 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
He has also begun to drink the blood of animals.
As the day's celebratory meal begins, @daniel_barker takes a weary gulp from his chalice of leopard blood, and beckons for his party hat.
As the day's celebratory meal begins, @daniel_barker takes a weary gulp from his chalice of leopard blood, and beckons for his party hat.
9:07 AM - 18 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
I sincerely urge every one of you to remember that it is @daniel_barker s birthday today.
I sincerely urge every one of you to remember that it is @daniel_barker s birthday today.
9:14 AM - 18 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
People are now joining in.
Guys it is @daniel_barker 's birthday today, you should all wish him well :toots party horn, clowns fall over:
Casey Andromeda@WangleberryFollow
Guys it is @daniel_barker 's birthday today, you should all wish him well :toots party horn, clowns fall over:
10:11 AM - 18 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Some haven't got the joke.
@Wangleberry @daniel_barker Happy birthday, DB! Hope you have a great day.
Anna yeah@ThiefreeFollow
@Wangleberry @daniel_barker Happy birthday, DB! Hope you have a great day.
11:40 AM - 18 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Right, let's take a moment and break for tea.
From this point on we shall be condensing even more.
Day seven begins. There are a great many tweets on day seven.
Day 7 of @daniel_barker's birthday. A gunmetal grey armoured truck, a stencilled '~' on its flank, grinds to a halt in a bombed out street.
Day 7 of @daniel_barker's birthday. A gunmetal grey armoured truck, a stencilled '~' on its flank, grinds to a halt in a bombed out street.
8:46 AM - 19 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Daniel is no doubt reassured by this tweet.
@daniel_barker this is my way of saying I like someone
@daniel_barker this is my way of saying I like someone
9:07 AM - 19 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Day eight, and things are getting odder.
Day 8 of @daniel_barker's birthday. An orbital tug, crewed by 10,000 stunted mutants, drags a 500km wide ribbon toward the moon's north pole
Day 8 of @daniel_barker's birthday. An orbital tug, crewed by 10,000 stunted mutants, drags a 500km wide ribbon toward the moon's north pole
8:33 AM - 20 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Earlier in @daniel_barker 's birthday, the amazon rainforest & 1,000 convicts were sacrificed to fix a 10,000km stick to the moon's surface.
Earlier in @daniel_barker 's birthday, the amazon rainforest & 1,000 convicts were sacrificed to fix a 10,000km stick to the moon's surface.
8:43 AM - 20 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
"Happy birthday @daniel_barker " sighs the chief mutant over skype, wiping sweat off his face tentacles as his filthy crew shiver behind him
"Happy birthday @daniel_barker " sighs the chief mutant over skype, wiping sweat off his face tentacles as his filthy crew shiver behind him
8:46 AM - 20 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
"As requested; the moon on a stick" he intones. There is a long silence, as @daniel_barker regards the screen with an expressionless face.
"As requested; the moon on a stick" he intones. There is a long silence, as @daniel_barker regards the screen with an expressionless face.
8:48 AM - 20 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
"I do not care for the colour of the stick" says @daniel_barker, reaching for a red button. The mutant's eyes bulge as the connection severs
"I do not care for the colour of the stick" says @daniel_barker, reaching for a red button. The mutant's eyes bulge as the connection severs
8:51 AM - 20 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
This goes on for some time. But let's skip to day nine. Now things are really grim.
Day 9 of @daniel_barker's birthday. As manacled clowns sweep up the night's confetti, the citadel gates open for the next wave of guests.
Day 9 of @daniel_barker's birthday. As manacled clowns sweep up the night's confetti, the citadel gates open for the next wave of guests.
7:59 AM - 21 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Commoners from the foundry district, chosen by lottery, are handed tattered finery & herded past steel menhirs bearing @daniel_barker's face
Commoners from the foundry district, chosen by lottery, are handed tattered finery & herded past steel menhirs bearing @daniel_barker's face
8:03 AM - 21 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
More animal blood.
"Greetings!" shrieks @daniel_barker, gulping a mug of eagle blood as he capers down a spiral staircase in an icing-smeared general's uniform
"Greetings!" shrieks @daniel_barker, gulping a mug of eagle blood as he capers down a spiral staircase in an icing-smeared general's uniform
8:10 AM - 21 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
An organist with hammers for hands begins a foul rendition of "happy birthday" as unsmiling clowns wheel forth chairs & @daniel_barker claps
An organist with hammers for hands begins a foul rendition of "happy birthday" as unsmiling clowns wheel forth chairs & @daniel_barker claps
8:22 AM - 21 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
God.
Without warning, @daniel_barker draws a pistol and shoots the organist stone dead. As the shot echoes, the commoners scramble for the seats.
Without warning, @daniel_barker draws a pistol and shoots the organist stone dead. As the shot echoes, the commoners scramble for the seats.
8:27 AM - 21 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
A leering brute emerges from a low passageway with a leopard on a rope; the lights turn deep crimson and @daniel_barker cackles in ecstasy.
A leering brute emerges from a low passageway with a leopard on a rope; the lights turn deep crimson and @daniel_barker cackles in ecstasy.
8:31 AM - 21 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Happy birthday @daniel_barker.
Happy birthday @daniel_barker.
8:32 AM - 21 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
@FrogCroakley I'm going to have to put "it isn't actually my birthday" in my bio, aren't I.
@FrogCroakley I'm going to have to put "it isn't actually my birthday" in my bio, aren't I.
8:27 AM - 21 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
By day 11 there is fan art.
The Mob Gathers At the Gates of @daniel_barker's Palace. Inspired by @FrogCroakley
Nathan Baboonicorn@BaboonicornFollow
The Mob Gathers At the Gates of @daniel_barker's Palace.
Inspired by @FrogCroakley
4:18 AM - 23 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Rioting has begun in Daniel's kingdom.
Day 11 of @daniel_barker's birthday. Bottles smash against the palace walls, shards twinkling in firelight under a sky dark with candle soot
Day 11 of @daniel_barker's birthday. Bottles smash against the palace walls, shards twinkling in firelight under a sky dark with candle soot
8:21 AM - 23 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Happy Birthday, @daniel_barker - I hope you will forgive that my tribute was so rushed
Happy Birthday, @daniel_barker - I hope you will forgive that my tribute was so rushed
9:10 AM - 23 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
By day 14, a short radio play.
Aww. @daniel_barker got a birthday shoutout on the radio! https://t.co/mXvT7edFWJ
Prof. Bison Sexhorn@BrainmageFollow
Aww. @daniel_barker got a birthday shoutout on the radio! https://t.co/mXvT7edFWJ
5:57 AM - 28 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
By day 16, Twitter users are accepting Daniel as their lord and producing propaganda.
let's all wish @daniel_barker a happy birthday! please ignore any treasonous rumours, our lord is still in his palace
Constant Badthoughts@allwrongthinkFollow
let's all wish @daniel_barker a happy birthday! please ignore any treasonous rumours, our lord is still in his palace
4:16 AM - 28 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
PLEASE NOTE; failure to properly celebrate @daniel_barker 's birthday is punishable by DEATH
PLEASE NOTE; failure to properly celebrate @daniel_barker 's birthday is punishable by DEATH
9:23 AM - 28 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Day 17, and there is "full on mecha carnage".
Suspended on cables beneath them, @Daniel_barker sneers into the wind over the armoured collar of Iron Clown, his war exoskeleton.
Suspended on cables beneath them, @Daniel_barker sneers into the wind over the armoured collar of Iron Clown, his war exoskeleton.
8:22 AM - 29 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Ladies and gentlemen, happy birthday @daniel_barker
Ladies and gentlemen, happy birthday @daniel_barker
9:15 AM - 29 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
The rebels strike; ragged men rush to ensnare @daniel_barker in nets as a stolen tank with "MANY HAPPY RETURNS" daubed on its hull emerges.
The rebels strike; ragged men rush to ensnare @daniel_barker in nets as a stolen tank with "MANY HAPPY RETURNS" daubed on its hull emerges.
8:46 AM - 29 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
By day 22, this was Mr Croakley's word cloud.
Out of interest, here is how my recent descent into barking madness has changed the wordcloud of my tweets: http://t.co/MZ2vh4PqCx
Out of interest, here is how my recent descent into barking madness has changed the wordcloud of my tweets: http://t.co/MZ2vh4PqCx
9:27 AM - 03 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Day 23 was a bad day.
Hooray I've been fucking burgled!
Hooray I've been fucking burgled!
1:50 PM - 04 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
BUT IT WON'T STOP ME WISHING @DANIEL_BARKER A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
BUT IT WON'T STOP ME WISHING @DANIEL_BARKER A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
1:51 PM - 04 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
But we were soon back on track.
Day 23 of @daniel_barker's birthday. The enormous rocketship, fashioned in the guise of a leopard, hurtles through the void trailing bunting
Day 23 of @daniel_barker's birthday. The enormous rocketship, fashioned in the guise of a leopard, hurtles through the void trailing bunting
7:05 PM - 05 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
"Show me the good bit again" @daniel_barker commands his Video Clown, as he reclines in his ape leather throne & sips tortoise spinal fluid.
"Show me the good bit again" @daniel_barker commands his Video Clown, as he reclines in his ape leather throne & sips tortoise spinal fluid.
7:08 PM - 05 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Day 37, and Daniel Barker is on Mars.
Day 37 of @daniel_barker's birthday. A lone figure in a spacesuit casts a tapered shadow over Martian dunes as it treks into the sun.
Day 37 of @daniel_barker's birthday. A lone figure in a spacesuit casts a tapered shadow over Martian dunes as it treks into the sun.
8:35 AM - 18 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Sipping stale porcupine blood through his helmet straw, @daniel_barker squints into the ghastly disc of the sun & mutters savage obscenities
Sipping stale porcupine blood through his helmet straw, @daniel_barker squints into the ghastly disc of the sun & mutters savage obscenities
8:45 AM - 18 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
The whole thing is here. We are 38 days into Daniel Barker's birthday and it shows no sign of abating.
When – and how – can it possibly end? Mr Croakley tells BuzzFeed News: "The ongoing threat is that I won't stop until he holds a massive birthday party, in character, with us all dressed as clowns. Apparently some people are seriously looking at venue hire for this."
And Barker? He says: "I did wonder how long he would keep going. I said a few weeks ago, 'Surely you're going to have to kill me soon.' But who knows?"
Oh, and in case you were wondering, he tells us: "I had a nice birthday this year – didn't do much for a change. Was actually quite happy with people sending birthday wishes on Twitter."
And what's the whole experience been like? "Well, it's certainly odd to get such attention for something that isn't my doing at all. But it's been great fun. And now I just expect people to wish me happy birthday when I see them. Which is a weird thing to have in your brain."
On Mr Croakley, he says: "He's a good friend and a very talented writer, so mostly I just enjoy it along with everyone else. And feel only slightly resentful that nothing I tweet ever gets that kind of attention."
"I stand by this as a description of his work, though."
@FrogCroakley christ, it's like something Hemingway would write if you dug him up fed him ketamine and forced him onto Celebrity Big Brother
@FrogCroakley christ, it's like something Hemingway would write if you dug him up fed him ketamine and forced him onto Celebrity Big Brother
10:12 AM - 11 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite
Alan White is a news editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.
Contact Alan White at alan.white@buzzfeed.com.
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