11 Things We Say At Job Interviews, Translated

It’s not lying. It’s NOT.

You mean: “I throw tantrums when I don’t get my way.”

You mean: “Thanks to the person whose job I took over leaving me $30 million of accounts to manage.”

You mean: “They include a huge score on Guitar Hero and several moderately impressive card tricks.”

You mean: “I have ordered a beer in France, Spain and Germany.”

You mean: “And if you really want further details, I’m including my pension plan, options, and the 137 nights out I put on expenses in that.”

You mean: “Was that a coffee machine that makes macchiatos I saw by the entrance?”

You mean: “Security didn’t even have to escort me from the building in the end.”

You mean: “Remind me what SEO stands for again?”

You mean: “Right up until the moment I stopped maintaining my hall’s hook-up chart.”

You mean: “Everyone loved the #banter that time I made my sister fatter in Photoshop and tagged her on Facebook.”

You mean: “I absolutely love watching sport.”

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Alan White is a news editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.
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