1. No matter how clean you thought you were, you’ll unearth more dirt, mold, and dust than any one human could have possibly produced.
Don’t mind me, just digging graves beneath my bed.
3. Cardboard boxes all of a sudden become as rare and valuable as diamonds.
Resulting in you stalking your local liquor store for a month before the big day.
5. You’ll discover that you own roughly 30 mateless socks.
6. Also: 57 spoons and not a knife as far as the eye can see.
7. AND SO MANY CHARGERS TO NOTHING.
OK, the jig is up, you are mos def a secret hoarder.
10. If you’re moving with a partner, both of your true colors will undoubtedly emerge.
“WHADDYA MEAN, ‘FUCK THE COUCH?!’ THAT COUCH HAS TREATED ME WAY BETTER THAN YOU EVER HAVE.”
11. You start to construct elaborate fantasyscapes in your head, planning every detail of your impeccable new dream home.
15. You’ll learn who your true friends are.
Or at least, which of your friends are broke enough to lug boxes in exchange for a lukewarm six-pack.
16. You’ll also learn exactly what you’re willing to pay for peace of mind.
“I WILL GIVE YOU MY ENTIRE PAYCHECK IF YOU CAN GET THAT DRESSER DOWN FIVE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS.”
19. And then all of a sudden, you’re home.
Sure, there’s unpacking to do and bills to pay and all kinds of attendant headaches, but you’re finally there, and it’s yours.
- It's Inauguration Day — Donald Trump will be sworn in as the 45th president of the United States of America at 12 p.m. ET 🇺🇸
- And you can tune into BuzzFeed News on Facebook, where we'll be covering the entire ceremony live.
- Notorious Mexican drug lord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán has been extradited to the United States to face multiple charges.
- And as many as eight survivors have been found after a deadly avalanche buried a hotel in Italy.