The 18 Most Insane Sex Toys For Sale On Etsy

Do. It. Yourself.

1. Crocheted Dildo/Granny Square

“Fun Stripe.” Available here.

2. Jesus Dildo

Its maker describes it as “a hunk of pious penis art,” so do with that what you will.

3. Diletto Stiletto

Wow/ow. Available here.

4. Butt Plug Tail

It’s on sale for summer.

5. Secret Sex-Toy-Compartment Tissue Box

Plus, the tissues will probably come in handy.

6. Confetti Dildo

Can I just say how happy I am to have finally managed to type that phrase in a semi-professional setting.

7. Handmade Leather Flogger

Lovingly crafted.

8. Truly Terrifying Glass Dildo

It’s dishwasher-safe.

9. Even More Terrifying Bunny Monster Dildo

Get it here, I guess, ugh, maybe.

10. Easter Island Butt Plug

For the explorer in you.

11. Homemade Edible Lube.

Mm. Available here.

12. Dildo/Bottle Opener

Sometimes you have to multitask.

14. Terracotta Finger Dildo

You can also wear it as jewelry.

15. Crocheted Strap-On Harness

Great for keeping your granny square dildo in place. Available here.

16. Hulk Penis

That’s not the actual name, but tell me I’m wrong.

17. Zombie Finger Dildo

Dance what you feel.

18. “Rubber Love” Embroidery

Oh Etsy, never change.

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