1. A bag of all yellow Starbursts.
2. Socks that look like you're wearing sandals.
amazon.com
Like a goddamn MONSTER.
3. A bottle opener fedora.
amazon.com / Via thisiswhyimbroke.com
M'lady.
4. A 55-gallon keg of lube.
amazon.com
Personal lubricant is great; 55 gallons of it are not.
5. A shockingly realistic scrotum backpack.
indiegogo.com
Cool, great, awesome.
6. A vape disguised as an inhaler.
shop.discreetvape.com / Via thisiswhyimbroke.com
You seem fun.
7. This mug fit only for the dregs of humanity.
8. Jean underpants.
9. A card that won't stop playing music.
kickstarter.com
Until it runs out of juice, of course.
11. A Hogwarts acceptance letter.
etsy.com
This is actually adorable, except for the harsh reminder that YOU DON'T GET TO GO TO HOGWARTS HAHA SUCKER.