Being Sick As A Kid Vs. Being Sick As An Adult

"Can someone please Seamless me some soup?"

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As a kid: You'd wake up with a tickle in your throat, a flush to your face, and the sneaking sensation that YOU MIGHT GET TO SKIP SCHOOL.


What are a few sneezes and a runny nose compared with that hellish pre-algebra test?

As an adult: You wake up feeling like death and it's the worst thing that could possibly happen to you.

"Glad this is happening on the day I have three meetings, a presentation I've been prepping for weeks, and a really promising Tinder date."

As an adult: Going to the doctor is an expensive, difficult, time-consuming pain in the ass.

You mean you don't love lugging your tired body to a sticky waiting room where you have to sit around for an hour and 15 minutes before some Yelp-approved asshole sticks a large needle in your forearm? Weird.

As a kid: You relished the time you got to spend by yourself, an oasis away from the drudgeries of school.


"Heh heh, those other nerds are probably playing kickball right now. Suckers."