13 Salinger Characters Ranked In Order Of Dateability

"Yeah, I'd love to lie prostrate on the couch and discuss The Way of the Pilgrim while sipping gin all evening long! Sounds fun."

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13. Seymour Glass


Offs himself. Also was a relatively shitty husband to poor Muriel, who just wanted to paint her damn nails and have a nice time at the beach and IS THAT REALLY A CRIME.

9. Holden Caulfield


Between the premature greying, the crippling self-doubt, and the fact that he'd call you a phony at least 10000000 times while simultaneously trying to grab your breast and then if you're lucky drunk dial you from a payphone in the middle of the night? Cool.

3. Buddy Glass


Solid dude. Makes a good cocktail, knows (for the most part) how to navigate awkward social situations. Loses points for being Salinger's alter ego because like, narcissism.

Senior editor, noted cactus-killer.

Contact Alanna Okun at alanna.okun@buzzfeed.com.

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