1. This sleep mask.

etsy.com
Sweet dreams are made of [this thing that you can and should own].
3. This baby onesie.

cafepress.com
Never too early to start.
5. This shirt.

etsy.com
Use it to express your emotions.
7. This "Mrs. Nicolas Cage" bag.

etsy.com
It's legally binding.
8. This depiction of Nicolas Cage as Krampus.

etsy.com
Be very very good, boys and girls.
9. This pillow.

etsy.com
Rest your weary head.
10. This ring.

etsy.com
V. good for proposals of matrimony.
14. This resin face mask.

hauntedstudios.com
From the description: "Choose White, Antique Gold, or Silver finish to match your collection or compliment any decor." That's right, ANY DECOR.
15. These life-giving nail decals.

etsy.com
Your hands will thank you.
16. This painting of pugs*.

etsy.com
*Pugs that are Nicolas Cage.
17. This photograph from the 1860s of a man who the seller claims is a vampiric/undead Nicolas Cage himself and which is being sold for $250,000.
