1. You're suddenly incapable of imagining a room that's painted a different color.
2. If you step on wall-to-wall carpeting, you'll die.
3. You somehow think that you'll be able to get a beachside Italian villa for $600 a month...
4. And then you're totally happy to spend three times as much as your DEFINITELY SET-IN-STONE TOTALLY NON-NEGOTIABLE budget.
5. You need a "gourmet kitchen" even though all you ever cook is grilled cheese.
6. Your romantic partner now can't talk about anything besides his-and-hers sinks.
7. ...Which is fine, because your love for them has now been overpowered by your love for granite countertops.
8. And stainless steel appliances.
9. And backsplashes.
10. The thought of a house without a walk-in closet is scarier to you than the thought of death's sweet embrace.
11. You don't actually know what an "open concept floor plan" is, but you sure as shit want one.
12. Ditto "crown molding."
13. Your inner voice has been replaced by the calming, hypnotic tones of Suzanne Whang.
14. You go on and on about needing "space to entertain," but everyone knows you don't have any friends.
15. You've never expressed an interest in owning an island, a tiny house, or a "fixer-upper" before, but now you can't sleep, tormented by visions of all three, how they would expand your life or shrink it accordingly, how they would solve all of your problems, how they would help you build the version of yourself that you just know you can be.
16. You hate your family so much that the only solution is a "man cave."
17. You're overwhelmed by the urge to "update" everything in sight.
18. You find yourself inexplicably pulled toward the absolute worst house of the three.
19. Even while the audience screams at their TVs for you to stop, no, wait, the obvious pick is House #2!
20. THIS IS LIKE A HORROR MOVIE MINUS THE HORROR.
21. Ugh. Cool. You did it. You picked the bad house.
22. Hope you enjoy all that laminate, instead of the hardwood floors you professed to love even more than the children who will one day populate the smaller-bedroom-slash-office.
23. You're getting a divorce as soon as the cameras stop rolling.
Check out Morgan Gesell's work if you're into her House Hunters-inspired prints and paintings.