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    The 17 Most Dad Things That Ever Dadded

    "But what if the leather Bluetooth-enabled beer cozy was ALSO a golf club?"

    1. This visor that keeps your head cool by retaining cold water.

    Dad level: 3.5 rare steaks

    2. This personalized whiskey barrel.

    Dad level: 3 matching 401(k) contributions

    3. The New York Times History of Golf.

    Dad level: 5 skipped rest stops

    4. This massage chair that syncs to music.

    Only if the music in question is U2 or Creedence Clearwater Revival.

    Dad level: 4 jokes about how he's going to shoot your new boyfriend, haha, just kidding

    5. This lamp that clips onto the grill for middle-of-the-night kebab sessions.

    Dad level: 2.5 cell phone holsters

    6. This leather money clip inlaid with a buffalo nickel.

    Dad level: 3 what even is a buffalo nickel...s

    7. This remote-controlled boat that claims to catch fish for you.

    Dad level: 5 grumbles about how high-def is so much better

    8. This beard-trimming mat.

    Dad level: 4 secretly teary eyes at the end of Homeward Bound

    9. This "chill-maintaining" beer mug.

    Dad level: 1 free T-shirt from work

    10. A miniature Ferrari you drive with your iPhone.

    Dad level: 4 frequent flyer miles

    11. A bathroom golf game.

    At least the seat's down.

    Dad level: 5 fond memories of the Reagan administration

    12. This framed copy of the U.S. Constitution.

    Complete with all three bicentennial coins.

    Dad level: 4 of those little plastic thingies you put in a shirt collar so that it stands up

    13. This weathervane shaped like an eagle.

    Dad level: 1 Christmas tree thrown out on December 26

    14. This ashtray with slots for four cigars to lie comfortably.

    Dad level: 3.5 Facebook status updates that were supposed to be Google searches

    15. These cufflinks designed like a gear shift.

    The back is shaped like a steering wheel.

    Dad level: 4 AOL email addresses

    16. This travel case intended to store your ties.

    Dad level: 5 Adirondack chairs with drink holders in both arms

    17. This beer holster.

    Dad level: 2 transition lenses