What Does Your Favorite Pokémon Say About You?
You're an incredibly quick learner — positively blossoming with potential — and nothing can get in between you and your dreams. Except fire. Fire is definitely a problem.
Between all the razor leaves and the vine whipping, you're pretty darn kinky. Never change.
You have without a doubt the most prominent case of Bitchy Resting Face in the Pokémon universe, but you also carry a beautiful flower everywhere you go. You contain multitudes.
Just because you look like a rejected Land Before Time cast member doesn't mean you don't have a killer instinct. You blaze through everything in your way and don't stop to ask questions until afterward.
You're a bit of a loner, but tough as nails. You know how to light your own way (literally) and woe betide anyone who makes fun of that weird lump on your head.
YOU ARE SHOCKED THAT ANYONE HAS THE AUDACITY TO EVEN SO MUCH AS APPROACH YOU. YOU ARE THE BRINGER OF FIRE, DESTROYER OF WORLDS, AND YOU ALWAYS TALK IN ALL CAPS.
Don't let the adorable outer shell (ha!) fool anyone — just because you're cute doesn't mean you don't pack a serious punch.
You're scrappy as all hell and stylish to boot — exactly how long does it take you to curl that tail every morning? But, like your pre- and post-evolutionary brethren, folks know to take you hella seriously.
You're one tough motherfucker. It takes some serious balls to lug around TWO ACTUAL CANNONS all day long, but it doesn't faze you in the slightest. People know they can count on you, especially if they accidentally set their trashcan on fire.
You may be small, but goddammit you're great at slowing other people down. Use that wisely and you'll go far.
You're a total chiller and you know it. The world respects that. You'll do great (okay, mediocre) things one day.
Heyyy there gorgeous, come here often? Wait, why am I so sleepy and also poisoned and paralyzed? Fine, whatever, I can take a hint.
You don't let people get close to you, for fear that you'll sting them (or vice versa). Open up, buddy — life is short.
You're just biding your time, waiting. Watching. Listening. Growing ever stronger. When they least expect it, you'll be ready. And they'll be sorry.
People don't really understand how hard it is to have spikes for hands and also for a butt. They don't understand that it sucks to be judged for your ruby-red eyes and terrifying exterior, when really, you've got a heart that's as sweet as honey.
You're EVERYWHERE. Seriously, how does someone as diminutive as you manage to cover so much ground? Your energy is admirable and frankly a little exhausting.
You've never been afraid to cause a ruckus, stir up a little dust, and god bless whatever fool tries to get in your way.
You're a voracious traveler (or at least, you could be, if you could ever find the time or the money or at least locate your passport). The world is your kingdom, and you survey it from on high.
You're a sneaky little bugger and you know how to get 'em right where it hurts. For some reason you always seem to show up everywhere, even when you weren't -necessarily- invited, but people are always cool once you get there.
You're extremely orally fixated, always chewing on whatever's in reach — a pen, your own hair, a moderately large log you found in the forest. This discomfits some people and is weirdly attractive to others.
You're a tad scruffy but wicked agile. You totally had one of those sticky-uppy faux-punk haircuts in middle school, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU???!
Your endurance is seriously incredible — you can fly all day without landing (ifyaknowmsayin) and don't even start on that beak.
You're a litttttttle bit of a know-it-all ("hey guys did you know that 'Ekans' is 'snake' spelled backward?? DID YOU????") but you've earned it — once you get ahold of a topic, you never let go until you've squeezed every last drop of information out of it.
You're the stuff of nightmares and you love it. And the next person who tries to tell you that actually, it should really be "arboc" because *that's* how you spell "cobra" backward is a pretentious douchenozzle who is going to feel the depths of your wrath.
You're a true classic. You don't give a(n electrically charged) rat's ass if people judge you for liking what's popular — you're cute, you're powerful, and as you always like to say (or you would if you could say anything other than your own name), haters make you famous.
You're kind of a hipster. Really, Raichu? Just because it's the less-popular version of Pikachu? But hey, dance what you feel, and feel secure in the fact that at the end of the day you pack a real wallop in battle.
You've got a hard outer shell that nothing — not feelings nor a jolt of electricity — can penetrate. Let something in every now and then (or don't and just confuse everyone around you with your inscrutable gaze and maybe a sandstorm or two).
You're relentless, mowing down everything that gets in your way. If it looks like a hedgehog, walks like a hedgehog, be careful because it might dismantle your face.
You're keenly aware of the sexual inequality in our society, and also unimpressed with its lack of creativity — like, your name is LITERALLY THE SAME as your male counterpart's? Except with a (socially constructed and arbitrary) gender symbol hastily tacked onto the end? Cute.
You've read some bell hooks, a touch of Audre Lorde, and you're ready to go out and argue against compulsory heterosexuality until you're blue in the face (oh wait, you already are). ROCK ON.
You're a boss-ass bitch who uses your considerable strength to SMASH THE PATRIARCHY. Keep it up; our work here has barely begun.
The pressures of socially enforced masculinity are already starting to take their toll on you. It's not too late! You can be whoever you want to be!
Relax, buddy, nobody said that you weren't super tough and deserving of all the world's favors and adulation. Sheesh.
Ugh, you're a total MRA.
You're super charming and even a tad hypnotic. People would do anything for you, even if you won't ever notice them.
You may have broken hearts in your younger days but you've grown up now and know how to use your many charms for good (although that doesn't mean you don't still leave a trail of panting admirers in your wake).
You’re a cuddly little dude, with an inner flame that never goes out.
You’re absolutely stunning, but you know how to hold a grudge — if someone crosses you, they’ll be paying until the end of time.
You're either mesmerizing or incredibly boring; either way, you put everyone around you in a deep, deep stupor.
People are always asking you what's wrong, but it's not your fault you have naturally overactive tear ducts!! GOD!!!
You're kind of a pain in the ass, you little bloodsucker, but nobody can say that you don't have style. Also, an excellent sense of direction.
Can’t you keep your mouth shut even once in your life? Jesus, it’s like you have no control whatsoever.
You're a health nut, always in search of new, creative sources of nutrition. You should try moonlight, or soil.
What happened to you? You used to be so happy! And now you spend your days moping and drooling! You can totally get back to how you used to be, buddy, just keep your head up (even though it's hard with that massive plant perched on top of it).
You always try to handle more than you realistically can. Clearly this is admirable, but give yourself a break every now and then! Nobody will think any less of you.
You're a damn liar. Nobody's favorite Pokémon is Paras. Paras is a lame, weak land crab covered in mushrooms who scuttles around uselessly. It's not even, like, cool-weak like Magikarp. Refresh this page and pick a different one, asshole.
And no, Parasect doesn't count either. Parasect is just as bullshit as Paras (and it's even worse if you took the time to actually evolve it yourself).
Your vision is beyond impressive — you can spot anything from fifty feet away no matter how well-concealed. Use that power for good, not evil.
You're compelling but sort of eerie, like Natalie Portman's character in Black Swan. Please don't tear your cuticles like that.
You spend your time at the edges of things, only popping in to check out the action from time to time. But that's okay with you! You're very content to live like you do.
You hate to be alone and work best in groups. You and your bros always have each others' backs, and you've been known to pop up where people least expect you.
What Does Your Favorite Pokémon Say About You?
Cash rules everything around you. You're also ten thousand times more articulate than everyone else around you, due to the simple fact that you are the only one who knows how to say something other than your own name.
You're sleek, sexy, and demand the best in life. You're constantly searching for ways to fund your glamorous lifestyle, even if that means resorting to less-than-legal means. Don't worry if your friends judge you; they're just jealous.
Who are you? What are you doing here? Why are you even taking this quiz? What's an internet? Life is hard.
Having cast off the naiveté of your youth, you're ready to take down anyone who dares questions your intelligence. You could have made it to the summer Olympics if you'd wanted to.
It takes basically nothing for you to lose your temper. You do, however, appreciate the smaller things in life, like a really delicious chestnut.
OMG LITERALLY CALM DOWN, I WASN'T INSULTING YOU, I WASN'T EVEN LOOKING AT YOU, SERIOUSLY YOU HAVE GOT TO CONTROL THAT TEMPER OR YOU WILL WIND UP IN LITERAL JAIL.
You're loyal and reliable. You'll defend the people you love from any threat, even if your odds of winning don't look too good.
You're incredibly brave and also kind of packrat. You'll keep anything (coins, tchotchkes, even food) stashed about your person. Might wanna work on that or you will start to smell.
You're most comfortable when you're in your special place (whether that's your apartment or a freshwater pond) and don't do too well when you're out of your element. That's okay, though, because everyone loves you and wants to help you out.
You're slippery, able to dart in and out of any situation with ease. You're also pretty damn sweaty.
What was that? I can't understand you. There's got to be something in your mouth because that mumbling is really horrendous.
You know that one friend, who always seems to turn up no matter where you go, and doesn't really talk much but hangs around and doesn't really bother anyone and is just always, irrepressibly, THERE? Yeah, that's you. You are that.
You always know what everyone around you is thinking (which can be a blessing and a curse). You have this peculiarly old-lady-ish habit of carrying utensils with you wherever you go, which seems honestly pretty unnecessary.
Your mustache is really a beautiful sight to behold. When you walk into a room, a hush falls as the crowd turns to contemplate its follicular beauty. It's a badge, a symbol, and it's all yours.
You're always working on self-improvement, striving to be the best possible version of yourself. Don't hurt yourself trying — you're great just the way you are!
Hot damn, you know how to accessorize. You put Tim Gunn to shame.
How DO you manage it all? You're kind, generous, in great shape, and never utter a stormy word to anyone! It's almost like you've got to have four arms or something to do all that you do. Oh. Right.
You're constantly torn between planting your roots and staying comfortably in one place, or packing up and seeing what the world has to offer. You can totally live a life that involves both, though.
You often blend into the background until you have something important to say. You've been known to sleepwalk.
You're constantly trying to lure people to you, expanding your circle of influence. And once you've got them, you're never letting go.
It's literally right there in your name: you're -cool-. And a -ten-. And a -taco-? Either way, keep on floating through life and you'll be just fine.
Like Tentacool before you, you can be summed up by your name: you're a huge dick. You terrorize populations and ruin lives. But hey, at least you're up front about it.
You've overcome such adversity, what with not having any legs and all. Instead, you've built up your arms, your brain, and your constitution to be hard as a rock, and there will mos def be a Lifetime Original Movie about you sometime in the very near future.
Why walk, you ask, when you can roll? You raise a good point.
Absolutely nothing can hurt you. You’ve spent a lifetime cultivating a thick skin.
Are you a brony? Or like, one of those horse girls from middle school who had all those pictures of themselves in equestrian gear hanging in their lockers? If not, cool. If so, you do you.
You’re smokin’ hot, with an unmistakable air of equine majesty. You leave everyone trampled in your wake.
You may be lazy and take forever to do anything, but you know what they say: slow and steady wins the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
You're such a serene slacker that you don't notice when life (or a toothsome living creature) nips at your tail. And you know what? That is a beautiful thing.
You live for the latest gadgets and always have an opinion on what your friends and family should buy next. You're a massive nerd.
Like Magnemite, you're a huge nerd, but you've managed to find your own kind. You probably have an idea for a startup that you're really irritatingly passionate about.
Between the apostrophe in your name, the leek you inexplicably carry everywhere, and that impressively v-shaped unibrow, you're truly one-of-a-kind.
You crave codependency in a relationship. Wherever your boo goes, you'll follow, and you expect the same in return OR ELSE.
Who's up for a threesome? Anyone?
You thrive in the cold. You're probably one of those people who wears shorts in the snow and cheerily remarks how "balmy" it is when it's about freezing in February. Shut UP.
You're a total showoff and crave attention, which you tend to get because you're so damn cute.
You revel in filth. Who cares if that frozen burrito expired last February and has a little maggot colony living in the corner? If Trader Joe's didn't want you to have it, they wouldn't have put it out in this perfectly good Dumpster.
Ewwwwww. You're sticky, germy, and anyone who so much as touches you is an idiot.
You're a lovely friend, always willing to work together to be more than the sum of your respective parts. You should find a Slowpoke and be happy together forever.
You're a total hardass on the outside and a total softie on the inside. Many have tried to penetrate your shell, but only very few (if any) have succeeded.
You're a born prankster, always trying to pull one over on the people around you. Except sometimes you go too far and remind them of painful memories from their pasts and inadvertently ruin their days/lives.
You lurk in the shadows, plotting against anyone unfortunate enough to cross your path. You're wicked into graveyards.
You are dead. RIP you.
You prefer to travel underground (which generally means the subway but anything is possible). You've been known to go on rampages but always calm down eventually.
The only thing that bugs you more than faux-concerned people telling you that "you look so tired!" is the fact that you're always so damn tired.
Cool neck ruff, bro.
You're a total beach bum who craves the sand and surf. You've even been known to eat sand, which, like, okay.
Don't feel bad about being lopsided; lots of people have one ear that's bigger than the other, or a boob. You're totally normal just the way you are.
What Does Your Favorite Pokémon Say About You?
Tired of spending your life being mistaken for something lame (like, say, a Pokéball), you've decided to take your revenge by shocking everyone who dares to question your right to do you. Basically, you are Miley Cyrus.
You've figured out a brilliant way to get out of situations you don't want to be in: just explode in a burst of indiscriminate destruction and work out the details later. Good work.
You're deeply expressive, able to showcase a wide range of emotions (sometimes all at the same time). Careful, though, because you can be fragile.
You can never seem to make up your mind. Just when you've settled on one thing, another thought pops up that brings you right back to square one. You're adept at throwing shade.
Behind the mask you wear lurks a deep sadness. You can mistrust the world as much as you want, try to fend it off with that bone you carry everywhere (heh), but it's always going to catch up with you.
That mask you've been wearing all your life? It's become a part of you. You ARE the mask.
You care a ton about physical fitness and like to talk at length about how many "reps" you did and how "swole" you are. Carry on, I guess.
You revel in blending stereotypically feminine and masculine energies; you can beat up as many people as you want, and you can do it while wearing a flattering little skirt.
Put that thing away, that is downright vulgar.
Dude you really need to quit smoking.
I TOLD you to quit smoking, and now look what's happened: you've grown a second you. Nice going.
You have a teeny-tiny little brain. When you actually manage to get an idea, it's the only thing you can think about, until another idea comes along and replaces it.
You're an insensitive brute who bulldozes everything in your path. You're great at home improvement projects.
You're fucking delightful. You and that egg. You and that egg and that flippy little hairdo. You must have like 40,000 Pinterest followers.
Aww, cheer up, little buddy, you'll figure it out! No knot that's been tied can't be undone.
You're extremely nurturing (almost to a scary degree). Your children, future or otherwise, know that you have their back, and also that if they don't get into Stanford they may as well not come home.
Did you know that male Horseas take care of their eggs/babies rather than the females, just like seahorses? Well, they do, so.
You're quick to anger, especially when someone close to you is in trouble. You do, however, know how to be flexible and reverse direction when you have to.
You're elegant as hell but dangerous in the wrong circumstances. You love to dance.
Equipped as you are with the ability to swim against the current, nothing and nobody can stop you when you've made up your mind to get something done.
You are a living, breathing Twitter fave.
You are totally inhuman and might actually be from space. You look like something for sale on Etsy.
YOU'RE FOREVER TRAPPED IN A GLASS CAGE OF EMOTION. Sweet shoes.
Bitches better get out of your way, because you do not mess around. You absolutely loathe the color red.
You are the only Pokémon with actual boobs, so like, good for you. Use them well.
You're a born performer who tends to soak up all the energy in a room. You feed on other peoples' enthusiasm, and sometimes you accidentally cause blackouts. We can't all be perfect.
You can't stand the cold and won't let anyone around you forget it. You're constantly turning up the thermostat at the office "just a few degrees" even when your colleagues have all started to complain about how badly they're sweating.
You look like you were invented to torture dissenters in the Middle Ages. You're fucking terrifying and you love nature.
Once you get something in your sights, be it a job, a hottie, or an especially cheesy slice of Sicilian pizza, you will not rest until it's yours. Or until you've run headfirst into an obstacle and it knocks you out cold.
Oh sure, they may not take you seriously now — they might laugh at you, call you names, even gather you up in a net – but they won't be laughing soon. No, sir, they will not be laughing one bit.
STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW YOU'RE HERE. And anyone who ever used to mess with you in the past is going to taste your fury.
You're always there for the people you care about. They know that you'll carry them no matter what, and you know that in return they'll never leave you.
Some might call you a copycat, or even go so far as to accuse you of plagiarism, but you prefer to think of yourself as "easily inspired." You're constantly soaking up the best and most interesting things from the world around you, and that makes you who you are.
You have incredible potential — you might not have figured out exactly who you are just yet, and can sometimes feel paralyzed by the sheer volume of choices ahead of you, but one day soon you'll pick and you'll be great.
You're practically a mermaid, you strange beautiful aquatic-loving creature, and your breasts (or whatever) can always tell when it's going to rain.
Your hackles rise whenever you're scared or anxious, and you've been known to lash out. That doesn't keep you from being downright adorable, though.
YOU'RE SO FLUFFYYYYYYY. But you don't let people get too close to you, because they WILL get burned.
You think everyone should learn to code. You ARE the future, and you've totally evolved past the need to eat or drink.
You're filled with ancient wisdom and rock a pretty sweet 'stache. And, most importantly, you were given life from the Helix Fossil.
This species died out because its shell became too heavy to catch prey, which is really a very important cautionary tale about the dangers of excessive consumption in our society if you think about it. Your fangs are fucking horrifying.
People think you're long gone but really you've just been biding your time, waiting for the right moment to strike.
You prefer to be by yourself and people are just fine leaving you that way when they see all the damage you're capable of inflicting. You have a really impressive thigh gap.
Even though you may look like a terrifying, meat-loving bully, in reality you're happy to soar peacefully through life, occasionally stopping to enjoy a plump piece of fruit.
I'm amazed you even had the energy to click a single box, let alone read this many words. Oh, you've dozed off already? Lazy asshole.
Beneath your icy exterior beats a heart full of warmth, helpfulness, and hope for the future. You'll most likely summit a moderate-to-extremely-tall mountain someday.
You don't like to be seen in public often, but when you are, you know how to make an entrance. Your OKCupid profile features a line about how much you just looove summer rainstorms.
You're a sign of good luck to many people — when you're around, even the deadest of winters feel like spring. Take THAT, Punxsutawney Fucking Phil.
You're constantly shedding your skin and reinventing yourself. You contain enormous depths and are just waiting to realize your full potential.
You make everything look so easy – you practically fly through the air, with no need for wings and no worries holding you down. Lucky bitch.
You're goofy as hell and everybody loves you. On the very rare occasions when you get angry, you're absolutely deadly, but mostly you maintain a calm, peaceable life.
You poor, misunderstood batshit crazy genius; nobody understands the pain or loneliness that's always been a part of your life, and what's more, nobody has ever even tried. Free tip, though: you might want to chill out, like just a tad. Maybe cool it with the must-defeat-all-my-foes talk? Idk, you might make a new friend or two.
Aww, honey! You're so strong and so cute and yet so sweet to boot! Why aren't you a famous internet cat yet? Personally I'd Like the hell out of your Instagrams.
All images from Bulbapedia, a truly delightful crowdsourced font of Pokémon knowledge.