Quiz

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You woke up in 1877 and now you have to prove that you're a proper lady. Welcome to Victorian England!

Você acordou em 1877 e agora precisa provar que é uma verdadeira dama. Bem-vinda à Inglaterra da Rainha Vitória!

Você conseguiria evitar sua ruína social se precisasse dar um verdadeiro jantar vitoriano?

Can You Avoid Social Ruin By Throwing The Perfect Victorian Dinner Party?

In her 1872 book _The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness: A Complete Handbook for the Use of the Lady in Polite Society_, Florence Hartley suggests the following: "Miss S—'s compliments to Miss G—, and requests the pleasure of her company for Wednesday March 9th at 8 o'clock." Also, Florence would like us to note that the mail system sucks and you shouldn't trust it. Servant it is!

Your first Victorian dinner party, how exciting! You husband is amped to impress all his cool work friends, but you've got a job to do. How do you let your guests know that you'd like to see them?

The parallelogram is far too rigid for the kind of smooth-talking evening you're hosting! A circular table would have too large a circumference to accommodate all your fun dinner conversation. But an oval is perfect for keeping conversation circulating. (I can't believe you would even consider a rectangular table!)

You are an incredibly popular Victorian Lady and 10 of your guests say they would love to join you for dinner. (Who knew you even _had_ that many friends here?) What's the ideal dinner table shape for a party of that size?

You should never place guests who have too much in common, or work in the same field, next to each other. They might enjoy each other's company too much, sequestering themselves off in a corner or boring the entire table with work stories. That would be sweet for them, but boring for everyone else, and your job is to please literally everyone at that dinner table.

Your husband has selected Mr. Taylor as one of his guests. They are best friends who grew up together and work in the finance world. Where should you seat them for the big day?

Hope those hippos are hungry, because they get five whole courses, all of which they would be rude to turn down. You've got your first course of soup, fish, and hors d'oeuvres; an entree course, where you'll serve some kind of meat dish; a second course, where you'll serve more meat, but with some vegetables this time; a third course of, yes, more meat, with mad puddings and pastries thrown in; then, finally, a dessert and ices course to end the evening. Please tell me you've written this down; I couldn't bear to repeat it.

Now that we've got this chair business out of the way, how many courses should you plan to feed your guests?

Hostesses should dress finely but plainly for their big night. It was considered "vulgar in the extreme" for a hostess to outshine her guests by wearing jewelry or bright colors. Tonight you're Somber Sally and you'll like it, missy!

The invitations are out, the servants have been hired. It's the day of and you need to get ready. What outfit do you wear?

Always greet the oldest woman first, then proceed to the younger women. Men are to be greeted last — a proper lady always acts as if men are an inconvenient necessity she barely notices at all times.

You post up at the door and wait for guests to arrive. Note: You will be staying there until most of your guests have assembled, so get comfy. When the first party arrives, whom do you greet first?

What is the difference between the drawing room and the parlor, you ask? No idea, but it's imperative that you lead your guests to the drawing room. The parlor would only do if you weren't rich enough to have a drawing room, in which case, why are you even hosting in the shamble of stick and mud you call a home?

Anyway, you greet your guests and lead them to...

Each one of your guests has a designated seat you should offer them, at least according to the 1840 publication _Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty_. In the winter, chairs were to be arranged around the fireplace, with the lowest in social rank sitting the furthest away from the hearth.

Your husband's boss, an elderly gentleman of 40 whole years old, makes his way into the drawing room. Which seat do you offer him?

A Victorian table setting should include four forks, two knives, one spoon, three plates, and four glasses. Robert Tomes' _The Bazar Book of Decorum_ states that the order should be "tumbler first, then the Madeira, then the claret, and finally the Champagne glass." Party hard, you Victorian nutters.

Damn, the table looks beautiful. Can you throw a party or what. By the way, how many glasses should be set at the table for each guest?

Don't speak too much, though! Ideally your husband will start the conversation off and someone will ask for your opinion. Keep it brief. You don't want people to think you're boasting, do you?

Well, now that we've got those boring basics out of the way, what will you talk about with your guests?

Either a slice of fish or a whole fish (depending on how fancy you are and how big your fish is) should be served with a slice of egg and drawn butter. Yum.

When serving your first course, what should accompany that beautiful piece of fish you're serving? (You remembered the fish, didn't you?)

As hostess, you must offer seconds to your guest. However, this dinner is also an Olympic-level event in time management, which you have mastered, so you know exactly when the next course is coming out. There is certainly _not_ time for seconds, and all present should know that.

A good host isn't critical of her guests, but you should still know the rules. Which of these would be considered impolite for your dinner guests to do?

You should never, ever speak to the servants. Honestly, you shouldn't even note their existence, but you're new. Old Flo says this is a must. "Even if you see that matters are going wrong, do not let your annoyance appear, but gracefully ignore the painful facts." Yikes.

Oh no! You're in the middle of an absolutely invigorating conversation with an artist friend, but you notice one of the servers isn't carrying his napkin on the correct arm. What do you do?

Florence assures us that the most elegant solution to dessert is to have it spread out in another room, decorated with flowers. Guests will be delighted by "the absence of the meat flavor in the atmosphere" and the change of pace. Well, she has a point.

After your pastry's been served, it's time for dessert. Ideally it should be...

A good hostess should entertain her guests for at least an hour after dinner. The only exception would be if your company was all male. In that case, you could then excuse yourself while your husband stays out to drink brandy and crack jokes about lusty French women.

The meal is over! You've had coffee and dessert, and everything went as well as can be expected. Before you bid your guests adieu, what should you do?

You're a modern girl, in a modern world. You couldn't live in a place that didn't know of the singularity and drone warfare. Come back to us before polite society eats you alive!

You're adjusting, but everyone in attendance _will_ be talking smack later. That's okay, there's still time to try again. Maybe high society will go easier on you next time!

You're a real Victorian Lady. Don't even bother searching for the portal back to our sad timeline.

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Can You Avoid Social Ruin By Throwing The Perfect Victorian Dinner Party?

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