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    What A Gentleman's Hat Says About His Romantic Intentions

    For there is nothing more fedorable than a courting man in a handsome cap.

    The Protégé

    Danny Moloshok / Reuters

    "There is none more comfortable in his sexuality than I, as evidenced by my hat equally at home on Mick Jagger, Carly Simon, and your local Amish merchant. The wide brim of my hat signifies the breadth of my open mind. Join me?"

    The English Crown

    Kris Connor / Getty Images

    "Long before the fedora's name was sullied by the colonists, it was the chosen chapeau of the British isles. But let us speak no more of these orbital ornaments, I'd rather take you for a drink and a laugh."

    The Skyfall

    Marko Volkmar/iStockphoto

    "Our love shall soar to great heights but be a greater aviation tragedy than that of Amelia Earhart because of my philandering ways. You deserve better than me, even though the world conspires to tell you otherwise."

    The Chuckling Beerman

    The Jester of Oakland

    The Home on the Range

    The Scholar's Regret

    The Mulder

    Matt/Scherf / Getty Images

    "The truth is out there, but the questions remains in my heart: Will I find true love on this tender blue planet I call home? Will you? These questions are probing, to be sure, but I want to believe we can answer them together."

    The Scottish Heist

    Getty Images

    "I have the courage to rob a Scottish soldier of his prized uniform cap; to steal your heart will be no trouble. I enjoy hiking, sunsets, and have a surprising penchant for fruity cocktails. Sex on the Beach, my darling?"

    The Madman at Dusk

    Danny Moloshok / Reuters

    "I do not fear a bold and inscrutable fashion statement just as I don't fear a bold and inscrutable woman. Though my sartorial choices are a mystery, you will know the truths of my heart if you gaze deeply enough."

    The Iron Bloke

    iStockPhotoBayram / Getty Images

    "Без труда́ не вы́тащишь и ры́бку из пруда́."

    The Canterbury Male

    Hemera Aleksandar Todorovic / Getty Images

    "My daytime commitment to live-action roleplaying has made me an open-minded expert in all manner of nighttime shenanigans and a sucker for a chivalrous deed."

    The Stoner's Arc

    The Viscount of Visors

    Getty Images

    "I may have proclaimed 'Bros before hos!' in male company a time or two, but my top priorities are actually female pleasure and protecting my skin from UV damage."

    The Last Mate

    The O'Keefe

    The Virgin


    "I have never had sex with a living human woman and have turned my resentment over this fact into a lifestyle. Interested primarily in non-sexual masochists."

    The Scoundrel of Panama

    Alberto Pizzoli/AFP / Getty Images

    "I do confess to keeping undisclosed sums of oil wealth but I will never keep my feelings for you undisclosed. I'm a man of my word in love and in lust, if not always with the federal government."

    The Way of the Future

    Sean Gallup / Getty Images for Sony Pictures

    "Hush, dear maiden. I come bearing no hat, only a monocle, crafted in Hell. I can read your thoughts and I wish for you to know that no harm will come to you in my arms, nor in the embrace of my ghoulish ocular ornament. Shall we dance?"

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