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19 Super Bitchy Holiday Gifts For All Sorts Of Bitches You Know

'Tis the season to be passive-aggressive.

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1. That Bitch Who Says, "I Can't Even!" About Everything, Even Though She Probably Can

Let that bitch know that you (and this weird alien) have confidence in her competence with this inspirational extra-terrestrial throw pillow.
Society 6 / Via society6.com

Let that bitch know that you (and this weird alien) have confidence in her competence with this inspirational extra-terrestrial throw pillow.

2. That Bitch Who Keeps Bitching About Her Husband

Buy that a bitch a subscription to Ashley Madison, the premiere online destination for extra-marital affairs, and maybe she'll stop bitching about how Dan waits to speak rather than truly listen.
Ashley Madison / Via businessinsider.com

Buy that a bitch a subscription to Ashley Madison, the premiere online destination for extra-marital affairs, and maybe she'll stop bitching about how Dan waits to speak rather than truly listen.

3. That Engaged Bitch Who Won't Stop Showing Off Her Ring

Let that bitch know how happy you are that she is inadvertently perpetuating conflict in Sierra Leone with that shiny bauble with Blood Diamond on Blu-ray.
Warner Brothers Entertainment / Via amazon.com

Let that bitch know how happy you are that she is inadvertently perpetuating conflict in Sierra Leone with that shiny bauble with Blood Diamond on Blu-ray.

4. That Bitch Who Tells You How Many Calories Are In Everything You Eat, Even Though You Didn't Ask

A bulk order of Japanese candy that the bitch can't read the nutritional information on is a thoughtful way of saying, "Try logging that into MyFitnessPal, bitch!" this holiday season.
CandyWarehouse / Via candywarehouse.com

A bulk order of Japanese candy that the bitch can't read the nutritional information on is a thoughtful way of saying, "Try logging that into MyFitnessPal, bitch!" this holiday season.

5. That Bitch That Doesn't Order Anything When You Go Out But Tries a Bite Of What Everyone Else Is Having and Then Doesn't Contribute to the Check

Let that bitch go ahead and take some home with her while she's at it with these adorable zoo animal food storage boxes.
Homart / Via aliexpress.com

Let that bitch go ahead and take some home with her while she's at it with these adorable zoo animal food storage boxes.

6. That Bitch Who's Always Stealing Your Pens

You need a pen, bitch? Here have 1,000 PENS, one for every fake smile I ever gave you when you took mine.
Closeouts for Less / Via ebay.com

You need a pen, bitch? Here have 1,000 PENS, one for every fake smile I ever gave you when you took mine.

7. That Hippie Bitch Who Keeps Saying Your Hormonal Birth Control Is Dangerous

This is a gold-digital two-pack for that bitch who uses the shape and color of the moon to figure out when she can have sex. Save that bitch a trip to the pharmacy this holiday season and enjoy your pills.
First Response / Via target.com

This is a gold-digital two-pack for that bitch who uses the shape and color of the moon to figure out when she can have sex. Save that bitch a trip to the pharmacy this holiday season and enjoy your pills.

8. That Bitch Who Insists She Is Just "One of the Guys!"

If that bitch likes hanging out with dudes so much, get her a bunch of NFL tickets so she and her bros can have totally awesome dude fun while you and your bitches who love bitches binge-watch Netflix and drink girly cocktails.
BuyNFLTickets.com / Via buynfltickets.com

If that bitch likes hanging out with dudes so much, get her a bunch of NFL tickets so she and her bros can have totally awesome dude fun while you and your bitches who love bitches binge-watch Netflix and drink girly cocktails.

9. That Bitch Who's Trying to Sex Your Man

Make a sex tape with your man, looking into the camera frequently making your best "Bitch, you jealous?" face. Send it to the bitch.
Amazon / Via amazon.com

Make a sex tape with your man, looking into the camera frequently making your best "Bitch, you jealous?" face. Send it to the bitch.

10. That Bitch Who Never Includes Tip When She Gives Her Share for Brunch

If that bitch can't get out her phone to calculate 20% gratuity, she can wear a nice reminder on her wrist with this snazzy calculator watch. It is appropriately made by a brand called "Justice" which there will be more of in the world once this bitch starts tipping.
Justice / Via shopjustice.com

If that bitch can't get out her phone to calculate 20% gratuity, she can wear a nice reminder on her wrist with this snazzy calculator watch. It is appropriately made by a brand called "Justice" which there will be more of in the world once this bitch starts tipping.

11. That Bitch Who Is Just Convinced That Everyone Is Always Talking About Her

Instead of letting her passive-aggressively start conversations about how everyone probably hates her, let this comfortable unisex T-shirt cut right to the chase for this paranoid bitch.
Mallory & Sons / Via etsy.com

Instead of letting her passive-aggressively start conversations about how everyone probably hates her, let this comfortable unisex T-shirt cut right to the chase for this paranoid bitch.

12. That Bitch Who Says Vaccines Give Babies Autism

A subscription to Science magazine will give that bitch instant access to their entire archive since 1880, where she won't find a single credible piece of evidence linking autism to vaccines.
AAAS / Via sciencemag.org

A subscription to Science magazine will give that bitch instant access to their entire archive since 1880, where she won't find a single credible piece of evidence linking autism to vaccines.

13. That Bitch Who Is Always Like, "Oh I Am Such a Nerd!" About Things That Are Not Nerdy At All

Revel in that bitch's bafflement when you give her these Schrödinger Equation earrings and she puts them on in the wrong order.
Stark060 / Via etsy.com

Revel in that bitch's bafflement when you give her these Schrödinger Equation earrings and she puts them on in the wrong order.

14. That Bitch Who Won't Stop Talking About Her Baby

It never hurts to subtly remind a bitch that their darling moppets might become sociopathic murderers with page-turners/life-ruiners like We Need to Talk About Kevin.
Serpent's Tail Classics / Via unrealitymag.com

It never hurts to subtly remind a bitch that their darling moppets might become sociopathic murderers with page-turners/life-ruiners like We Need to Talk About Kevin.

15. That Bitch Who Always Says, "People Think I'm An Extrovert But Really I'm An Introvert!" When She Is Totally An Extrovert

Since a favorite pastime of introverted bitches is not talking, buy that bitch a week-long silent retreat at Eastern Point Retreat House in Gloucester, MA. No talking, just reflection with your own thoughts among Jesuits and nature, bitch.
Eastern Point Retreat House / Via easternpoint.org

Since a favorite pastime of introverted bitches is not talking, buy that bitch a week-long silent retreat at Eastern Point Retreat House in Gloucester, MA. No talking, just reflection with your own thoughts among Jesuits and nature, bitch.

16. That Bitch From Your Hometown Who Puts Her Daughters in Pageants

You know that bitch won't watch a movie in black and white so don't bother getting her the DVD of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, the cautionary tale against child performers. Just get her this terrifying movie poster (in Spanish, for added drama) that shows what fate has in store for pageant kids.
Warner Brothers Entertainment / Via moviepostershop.com

You know that bitch won't watch a movie in black and white so don't bother getting her the DVD of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, the cautionary tale against child performers. Just get her this terrifying movie poster (in Spanish, for added drama) that shows what fate has in store for pageant kids.

17. That Cynical Bitch Who Thinks She Is Too Cool For Everything

There is no bitch that can deny that the world is a magical place when they encounter the sentimental dream team of Celine Dion and Ann Geddes. Buy Miracle: A Celebration of New Life in paperback, hardcover, and album versions to make sure she doesn't miss any of this saccharine masterpiece.
Alfred Music / Via amazon.com

There is no bitch that can deny that the world is a magical place when they encounter the sentimental dream team of Celine Dion and Ann Geddes. Buy Miracle: A Celebration of New Life in paperback, hardcover, and album versions to make sure she doesn't miss any of this saccharine masterpiece.

18. That Bitch Who Always Asks When You and Your Significant Other Are Going to Have a Kid

Pick up some bumper stickers from the Voluntary Human Extinction Project so that bitch will realize that your aversion to breeding is not just Millennial stalling, it goes mad deep.
The Voluntary Human Extinction Project / Via vhemt.org

Pick up some bumper stickers from the Voluntary Human Extinction Project so that bitch will realize that your aversion to breeding is not just Millennial stalling, it goes mad deep.

19. The Baddest Bitch, L'il Kim

HA! Bitch, you don't know L'il Kim. And you probably couldn't afford anything that queen bitch wants even if you did. NEXT!
Chelsea Lauren / Getty Images

HA! Bitch, you don't know L'il Kim. And you probably couldn't afford anything that queen bitch wants even if you did. NEXT!

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