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16 Things You Understand If You're Literally A Demonic Succubus

"Being a killer bitch from Hell ain't as great as it looks. (Just kidding, yes it is.)"

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1. So, you are an actual evil bitch from Hell.

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2. And your favorite thing is draining men of power and energy with your powers.

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Because what else is there to do?

3. And don't relate to feelings of remorse over it at all.

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4. You watch with glee when they attempt to warn others.

5. And just hang out wearing the cutest little demon outfits while they squirm under your control.

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6. And you're like, "Ugh, why won't you let me be great?" when mortal men try to stop you from doing your life-draining thing.

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7. Seriously, could they just not?

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8. Finding outfits that accommodate your expansive wings is such a nightmare.

9. Speaking of nightmares, you're a little tired of men blaming ALL of their noctural emissions on you.

Seriously, even Santa Claus only makes it to every house ONE NIGHT a year and he has the good will of the people on his side. There's no shame in it, dude.
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Seriously, even Santa Claus only makes it to every house ONE NIGHT a year and he has the good will of the people on his side. There's no shame in it, dude.

10. You find it highly sexist that so many male vampires are portrayed sympathetically in human media.

"I'm over 100 years old and sexually attracted to teenage girls but by all means, let's focus on all of my good qualities."
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"I'm over 100 years old and sexually attracted to teenage girls but by all means, let's focus on all of my good qualities."

11. You get really upset when people mistake some regular old bitch for a succubus.

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I mean, we love regular old bitches but they are not cut of the same demonic cloth.

12. But are glad when one of your kind really does find her way into the mainstream.

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You are really happy for her. Really.

13. You found the Lilith Fair to be an absolute disgrace to your foremother's name.

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WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS THIS VEGAN HIPPIE GARBAGE HOLE?

14. But you do think it's cute when pop culture takes a cue from her brutal legacy.

Ain't no party like a first wives' party cause a first wives' party takes every last goddamn thing that man ever cared for.
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Ain't no party like a first wives' party cause a first wives' party takes every last goddamn thing that man ever cared for.

15. Everyone asks if you were the succubus that had an affair with Pope Sylvester II and you're like, "WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME DEMON."

16. Keep on keepin' on, you uniquely beautiful homicidal demon lady.

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