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    20 Things That Happen When You're Secretly The Worst Person In The World

    It had to be someone, might as well be you.

    1. You have that one friend who is afraid of dying alone and you kind of think she's right.

    2. You have a very nice co-worker who has done absolutely nothing wrong but you dislike her anyway.

    3. You secretly think all babies are gross and indistinguishable from each other.

    4. You think one of your best friends has a boyfriend or girlfriend that is too good for them.

    5. Your most frequent thoughts when watching Law & Order are about how you would never mess up your crimes as badly as the amateurs on that show.

    6. You want to get into huge fights with people who bump into you and don't apologize.

    7. You've chosen new romantic prospects over old friends on multiple occasions.

    8. You've considered elaborate schemes involving dozens of bogus Yelp reviews to sabotage a restaurant because of one rude waiter.

    9. When a dog is tied up outside a grocery store, you think about how easy it would be to just walk away with it.

    10. You've considered an affair with your boss just so you could use extortion to get out of doing your work.

    11. You've dreamed of vandalizing cars beyond repair when somebody cuts you off in traffic.

    12. Sometimes when your friend is on the phone and ignoring you, you imagine just knocking the phone out of her hands.

    13. Your favorite thing about Facebook is watching the slow decline of your high school nemeses.

    14. You get way too excited when characters you hate die on your favorite show.

    15. You've placed bets on when some of your friends' relationships are going to end.

    16. You never stop for those people who ask if you have a moment for the rainforest.

    17. You only put a tip in the tip jar at coffee shops if the cashier is looking when you do it.

    18. You laugh when you see people in very expensive cars get pulled over for speeding.

    19. You give to homeless people to make other people feel bad, not because you're actually generous.

    20. And you know that if you were to hypothetically kill someone, you have every step so perfectly planned that you'll never get caught.