back to top

We’ve updated our privacy notice and cookie policy. Learn more about cookies, including how to disable them, and find out how we collect your personal data and what we use it for.

26 Sad Realities Only Underachievers With Ivy Degrees Understand

Yes, Mom, I know that Mark Zuckerberg went to Harvard too.

Posted on

2. The deep, dead silence on the other line when your high school guidance counselor asks you to speak to the kids about what you're doing now.

Miramax / Via gifsec.com

"Mrs. Clark, are you there? Mrs. Clark? Mrs. Clark, please don't cry. This wasn't your fault."

Advertisement
Advertisement

10. You've convinced yourself that your friends secretly call it "CoDUMBia University" because of you.

Seoul Broadcasting System / Via dr-myri-blog.blogspot.com

Because you've been calling it that since it sucked away your youth for so little reward.

Advertisement
Advertisement

17. You've started telling people that your Brown sweatshirt is actually just a celebration of your favorite color.

Warner Brothers Entertainment / Via thegloss.com

You'd buy a second sweatshirt but you have to prioritize Saltines and Neosporin this month.

18. You got caught shoveling food into Tupperware at an event at the Harvard Club.

Warner Brothers Entertainment / Via buzzfeed.com

Where your dad pays for membership because he is holding out hope that your unmotivated ass will learn to network.

Advertisement

20. Your retail colleagues started a rumor that you're an undercover reporter covering labor exploitation in American malls and now they won't talk to you.

Fox / Via metro.co.uk

"Guys, we going to drinks after we fold this table of cashmere cardigans?"

"We're onto you, Cornell."

23. You wish that the Dartmouth stereotype of being a school for drunk hippies was true.

Columbia Pictures / Via tumblr.com

But nope, they were mostly ambitious and successful go-getters just like the monsters at Princeton.

Advertisement

24. You've driven through campus blasting, "What Have You Done For Me Lately?" by Janet Jackson, weeping.

AMC / Via pastemagazine.com

Then you ran out of gas and had to ask some altogether pleasant sophomores to give you a lift back to your hovel.

Advertisement