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12 Reasons Rasputin Would Make The Perfect Winter Boyfriend

You can't spell "Put it in, you rascal!" without "Rasputin."

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1. His laser stare could start a nice romantic fire in your cabin getaway in Vermont.

Not to mention the fire in your heart.
Public Domain / Via daniel-irimia.com

Not to mention the fire in your heart.

2. He's from Siberia, so he wouldn't complain about the cold.

Via s1276.photobucket.com

You'd be used to it in no time with his tough but fair encouragement.

3. He'd be a hit at the company holiday party by predicting who is going to die.

Gaumont Film Company / Via imgur.com

Nothing brings a business together like having a charismatic monk foretell dark fortunes over champagne and cheese plates!

4. You could warm your hands in his luscious beard.

Mittens are for the desperate and single.
Public Domain / Via commons.wikimedia.org

Mittens are for the desperate and single.

5. Russian is an under-appreciated and highly erotic language.

"Vy seksual'ny" is waaaay hotter than "You're sexy."
Via ign.com

"Vy seksual'ny" is waaaay hotter than "You're sexy."

6. He could easily cure your winter sniffles.

The man cured royal hemophilia (the worst kind there is.) He could fix that runny nose right up.
Warner Brothers Entertainment / Via becuo.com

The man cured royal hemophilia (the worst kind there is.) He could fix that runny nose right up.

7. He'd keep you cozy with tales of his early travels to warm locales in Mesopatamia.

The Saul Zaentz Company / Via filmflare.pt

Editor's Note: The Rasputin sent to your home may look slightly different than Daniel Day-Lewis in the 1980s.

8. You could accidentally kill him in a fit of cabin fever and not get in trouble because he's semi-immortal.

Touchstone Pictures / Via ign.com

Editor's Note: Rasputin will kind of look like Daniel Day-Lewis in Gangs of New York.

9. He could accurately predict the return of spring!

20th Century Fox / Via beingnormajean.blogspot.com

He predicted the decline of the Czars and the rise of the Bolsheviks, surely he is more reliable than that lying gopher in Punxatawny.

10. He loved booze.

And so he wouldn't judge your insistence on adding liquor to your coffee to face the bleakness of the season. Cheers, babe!
HBO / Via wowthatscool.com

And so he wouldn't judge your insistence on adding liquor to your coffee to face the bleakness of the season. Cheers, babe!

11. Dude had a legendarily enormous package.

Chris Ritter/Buzzfeed

To keep you warm from the inside out! Because Rasputin was a giver. He gave.

12. And if this doesn't look cozy and inviting to you, you're beyond help.

His body is a winter wonderland.
Public Domain / Via commons.wikimedia.org

His body is a winter wonderland.

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