1. You and your friends will unanimously agree on a party to attend.
2. You will find a house party where you actually like most of the attendees.
3. You will find a party at a club with affordable cover charges.
4. You will buy a festive sequin-covered outfit at an affordable price.
5. Your particularly sequin-covered outfit will, against all odds, stand out against the dozens of other sequin-covered outfits.
6. Your stuff will not be covered in sequins for the first three months of the year.
7. You can always wear the sequined outfit again next holiday season.
8. You will look like a cool, party-going jetsetter in 5-inch heels.
9. You will not have to hide the agony that 5-inch heels cause you.
10. You will miraculously develop a taste for cheap champagne served in plastic flutes.
11. You will miraculously not get a hangover from cheap champagne served in plastic flutes.
12. Everyone will keep it together and not vomit because they're being careful about their sequins.
13. Everyone on TV for the "Rockin' New Year's Eve" will have worthwhile things to say.
14. Everyone on TV for the "Rockin' New Year's Eve" will give a great performance.
15. You might meet someone really cool to kiss at midnight at this party.
16. It isn't actually a big deal to have no one to kiss at midnight.
17. It isn't actually a big deal that the person you plan to kiss is probably not "The One."
18. It isn't actually a big deal that you kissed your best friend's significant other that one year when you two got in a fight and then threw up in a stranger's winter coat pocket.
19. No one remembers that year anyway.
20. Your commitment to non-violence will not be tested by idiots screaming the countdown to the new year.
21. No one will forget the words to "Auld Lang Syne."
22. No one will butcher the high notes in "Auld Lang Syne."
23. There is such thing as a "new" year.
24. Our calendar is not just an arbitrary and poorly divided method of cutting our time on earth into manageable chunks.
25. You will be delighted at having kept last year's New Year's Resolution all year.
26. You will come up with a mature, meaningful, and manageable New Year's Resolution.
27. You will not secretly have a weight or beauty-related resolution.
28. You will reflect thoughtfully on what you learned in the last year.
29. You will reflect thoughtfully on what you accomplished in the last year.
30. You will forgive your past mistakes.
31. You will forgive the past mistakes of others.
32. You will not be full of soul-crushing regret at your professional prospects.
33. You will not be full of soul-crushing despair at your romantic prospects.
34. You will really start tackling your soul-crushing student debt in the coming year.
35. You will really start tackling your soul-crushing anxiety about hitting milestones on time in the coming year.
36. You will start applying to new jobs this year.
37. You will start a savings account this year.
38. You will be more optimistic about the virtues of online dating.
39. You will be more optimistic that approaching 30 is a time of transition rather than tragedy.
40. This is the year that you stop judging your insides by other people's outsides.
41. Everyone else at the party has their life totally together.
42. No one else at the party has your exact fears and insecurities about another year passing.