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22 Things That Strippers Don't Want To Hear Anymore

For the last time, Cinnamon is my real name.

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1. "So do you think you'll ever get a real job?"

EMI

Wait, are we in The Matrix? I thought this was a real job. Has this been Monopoly money the whole time? Hold on, I have to call my landlord.

2. "You really don't seem like a stripper!"

Susan Shephard said it best up there ^.
Twitter: @susanelizabeth / Via adequateman.deadspin.com

Susan Shephard said it best up there ^.

3. "A girl like you probably has no problem finding a boyfriend."

Yeah, I just wear this outfit to my local bar and sit on everyone's lap there until one wants to lock it down. Because every guy out there is totally comfortable with his girlfriend doing this kind of work since romantic and sexual jealousy were abolished in 1997.
Eyecandy Images / Getty Images

Yeah, I just wear this outfit to my local bar and sit on everyone's lap there until one wants to lock it down. Because every guy out there is totally comfortable with his girlfriend doing this kind of work since romantic and sexual jealousy were abolished in 1997.

4. "I'm not like the other guys who come to places like this."

Harvest/EMI

This is the best and fastest way to let me know you're not like most guys that come in, you are much much worse. If you never come to these places, you don't actually know what the guys who come to them are like. Hint: they're largely normal dudes who like boobs and flirting. Wait, do you not like boobs and flirting?

5. "I get why you do it, its hard to turn down easy money."

I slept for three hours before work yesterday and I got off at 7 am I still haven't slept. #stripperproblems

Working overnight in 5-inch heels and pretending to like everyone I meet is a lot of things. "Easy" isn't one of them.

6. "I'm just here for a drink."

Lions Gate Entertainment

Coming to a strip club for the drinks is like going to the movie theaters for the Milk Duds that are available at a third of the cost at the CVS next door. Coming in to ogle the girl on stage without tipping her and not getting dances is an annoying thing but also a common one so you're not fooling anyone, miser.

7. "If you don't like it, why not just get another job?"

FX

Oh right, because jobs are just super-easy to come by for everyone. You want your dream one? Just sign up! Do you tell everyone who complains about their job to just quit or only women who are making money off of their intimate labor?

8. "So, is there a password for you know, more?"

The password is "brothel." Find one.
Ingram Publishing / Getty Images

The password is "brothel." Find one.

9. "I don't want you to have to dance, I just want to get to know you better."

TLC

I will do this if you pay me the same rate as for dances but please know that making conversation is way more emotionally laborious than simply dancing for you. Also, everything I'll say will have to be made up. If you're down, I'm down.

10. "Yeah, but what else happens in the VIP room?" *wink* *wink*

Guys who think spending $500 means they're gonna get more than dancing and conversation. #stripperproblems

Um, you can get slightly more handsy if I allow it and security watches us from the feed coming from that camera in the corner. Did you mean something else?

11. " Give my buddy here a dance, it's his bachelor party!"

Syco Music

It looks like your buddy would much rather be camping than having you pressure him into getting lap dances and almost everyone else is on a budget. I'm glad you're having fun trying to make me win him over but I believe that he has a right not to be coerced in into this interaction just like I should.

12. "I can really see myself settling down with a girl like you."

Cool, my favorite things are taking pictures of my cat and putting them on Instagram while wearing my pajamas and eating cereal. That's what you're seeing, right? Right?
ThinkStock/ThinkStock

Cool, my favorite things are taking pictures of my cat and putting them on Instagram while wearing my pajamas and eating cereal. That's what you're seeing, right? Right?

13. "Seriously, I’m not married!"

Warner Bros Entertainment

This doesn't make me want to go home with you any more than I did before you said so.

14. "So how much money do you make here on a typical night?"

Lions Gate Entertainment

That depends on how long people monopolize my time asking questions about my income instead of contributing to it.

15. "I would totally be a stripper if there was an equivalent for guys!"

Paramount Pictures

Haven't you seen Magic Mike? Live your dreams, sir!

16. "I just want to take you away from all this."

Shout out to all my stripper sisters who will be visited by "save a stripper" orgs bearing cookies and Bible verses today #stripperproblems

What is "all this"? The shorter working hours? The above average wages? The opportunity for a flexible schedule and minimal supervision? Ohhhhh, you mean this sordid business that a lost little girl like me who just need a nice big savior shouldn't be in? "All this" is just fine by me, thanks.

17. "You actually remind me a lot of my daughter."

If this is a ploy to get me to call you "daddy," then well done. If you're serious, please excuse me while I throw up.
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

If this is a ploy to get me to call you "daddy," then well done. If you're serious, please excuse me while I throw up.

18. "Well, if you're not allowed to give me your number in here, I can just wait outside when you get off of work!"

NOT why I go to work: To get your phone number. To give you my phone number. To go home with you. To look for a date. #StripperProblems

AHHHH!!!!! Telling a woman that you'll wait for her on the deserted streets between 2am and 4am doesn't sound like a romantic rendez-vous, it sounds like a threat. Also, do they not have the concept of "polite excuses to get out giving a guy your number" where you come from?

19. "You're much prettier than all of these other girls."

NBC

To paraphrase the Spice Girls, "If you want to be my lover, you have to show a modicum of decency to my friends and colleagues." If you think I'm pretty, you can just say so. It is actually a really nice thing to say compared to, "You're not so bad as them!"

20. "Hey baby, what would you say to dancing with me privately when you get done here?"

ABC

If you can provide time-and-a-half wages, the security required for a private event, and transportation costs like anyone asked to work overtime would get, then we can talk. If this is just a ploy to get me to go home with you, LOL.

21. "I just came to have some interesting conversations."

Virgin Records / Via bustle.com

If that means you're not getting dances, can you go have a conversation with that zebra-print chair instead of me and my colleagues? Unless you are Terri Gross from NPR's Fresh Air, I am not that interested in having only an interesting conversation. I am interested in making money because this is my job.

22. "So, what's your real name?"

Sweetheart, me using a fake name is not about it being sexy or titillating or a way of getting you to guess it flirtatiously. It is a way of protecting my anonymity in a job where there are people who actively seek out women's legal names so they can harass them. It is because strippers are literally killed because people think that no one will miss them. So please, I implore you, I beg you to stop bothering women for their real names and just let them do their jobs. They're just trying to do their jobs like everyone else, making it harder isn't illegal but also makes you a dick.
Miao Long / Getty Images

Sweetheart, me using a fake name is not about it being sexy or titillating or a way of getting you to guess it flirtatiously. It is a way of protecting my anonymity in a job where there are people who actively seek out women's legal names so they can harass them. It is because strippers are literally killed because people think that no one will miss them. So please, I implore you, I beg you to stop bothering women for their real names and just let them do their jobs. They're just trying to do their jobs like everyone else, making it harder isn't illegal but also makes you a dick.

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