Skip To Content

    Banana Flavoring Was Clearly Created In Hell

    The war on real bananas, and on decency, rages on.

    Bananas are the smiles of the fruit world, bringing joy to all in their path.

    Robertprzybysz / Getty Images

    As a nutrient-dense and delicious fruit that brings joy and potassium to untold numbers of people every day, they should have a great life.

    But as with all forces of good, there are forces of evil that wish to destroy it.

    iStock / Paramount Pictures

    That is how the menace and scoundrel that is artificial banana flavoring came into our lives: to replace what is good with what is evil.


    Bananas were an easy target because they are easy to chemically mimic and the Satanists could build their beast undetected.

    Alexei Nastoiascii / Getty Images

    Last year, synthetic organic chemist Derek Lowe, told the BBC, "The thing is, banana can be mimicked most of the way with a simple compound called isoamyl acetate. Many chemists know it as 'banana ester' and anyone who smells it immediately goes, 'banana!'" This is how the montrosity of banana flavoring gets away with its demonic work.

    And so a most disgusting and vile flavor was born in the depths of Satan's kingdom.

    Some members of Satan's Army on Reddit profess their love for banana fluoride with impunity.

    These ghoulish creatures start every day with a mouth full of banana, turning their mortal mouths into miniature Gates of Hell.


    The seller even brags about it being "Rich in Xylitol." Xylitol is the darling of the artificial sweetening world but is actually surrounded by controversy and deception.

    Speaking of deception, this banana cream chewing gum calls itself "Yum Yum Gum" to lure impressionable people into this cult of death.

    Yum Yum Gum / Via

    S'mores are a widely known as gift from Heaven. But they can quickly turn demonic if the pilllowy, sweet real marshmallow is replaced by a banana one.

    McCormick's / Via

    Banana marshmallow: the first choice of masochists and Lucifer's followers.

    No party in the bowels of Hades is complete without these devilish delicacies.

    Haribo / Via

    Banana jelly beans? More like banana HELL-y beans.

    Jelly Belly / Via

    If it was between giving someone a bag of all-banana jelly beans and putting spiders in their mouth at night, the more sinister force of evil would do the jelly beans.

    These banana candies are called "sassy spheres" but their real description ought to be "occult orbs."

    The Nutty Fruit House / Via

    Keera's party guests were either Hell gods themselves or under a most unsavory witch's spell.

    This is the candy supply of every house in Hell on Halloween night.


    The "joke on every wrapper" is always a question joke but there are no answers on the back because life is pain when you sign the book of Beelzebub.

    Fact: The Prince of Darkness' drink of choice after devouring banana candy is this puree mixed with goat's blood.


    The "Finest Call" brand is a reference to the wisdom of God when he made the call to cast Satan from Heaven into the Lake of Fire.

    They've forced real bananas to undergo experiments by mad scientists to learn how to make increasingly more grotesque variations of the flavoring.

    Roger Carlsen / Getty Images

    Some bananas have attempted suicide because of the shame brought by their association with these scoundrels of the night.

    Lolostock / Getty Images

    Others have joined the witness protection program and are now living as other foods.

    Wirepec / Getty Images

    Will these forces of Evil ever learn to join up with the forces of Good and end the banana war for good?

    Stephan Bock / Getty Images

    The world may never know.

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form