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Your Super Helpful Guide To Decorating For Halloween

You're doing it wrong.

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Halloween decorating is serious business. You can't just throw a pumpkin outside and call it All Hallow's Eve. You have to prepare, you have to meditate on some scary shit and you have to set the ambiance correctly. Don't miss out on a chance to have a deep, meaningful decorating experience.

Throw on some mood music.

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I recommend songs with a creepy vibe and soundtracks. "Nightmare Before Christmas", "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and anything that is ridiculously kitschy will do the trick. Blast that shit. Dance seductively with a broom like Sarah from "I've Been Waiting for You" (amazing reference clip above).

Light an appropriately scented candle


There are a few things to consider here. What kind of Halloween candle are you? Are you a pumpkin pie? An apple orchard? Or are you one of those candles that I don't understand? You know the ones... the candles that are supposed to smell like "halloween night" or "magic". I think those ones are kind of bullshit but I am still down for the cause because scented Halloween candles are all welcome in my apartment. Find your spirit scent and burn the hell out of it.

Cinematic ambiance is key


Throw on a horror flick, of course. You can't properly deck out your place in the spirit of Halloween without some leading lady screaming at the top of her lungs in the background. Obviously Hocus Pocus is required. This isn't a choice and it really shouldn't have to be. The Craft, Scream (any of 'em), Halloween (choose wisely past the first one), Friday the 13th, Silence of the Lambs (don't venture into Hannibal, stay with the original), I've Been Waiting for You (so underrated), Halloweentown, Nightmare Before Christmas, Rocky Horror Picture Show and Texas Chainsaw Massacre are all worthy contenders as well.

Pick your theme


Are you a cutesy Halloween decorator? This is easy to figure out. Are you drawn to pumpkins and ghosts that are smiling? Do you like signs that say things like, "my other car is a broom"? Do you love corn stalks? You are cutesy, my friend. That's totally fine. Own it. Throw some hay around and keep things looking like a Cracker Barrel puked on itself.


Are you a chic Halloween decorator? Do you only allow Mackenzie Child's pumpkins in your home? Is black and white the only color scheme allowed in your Halloween decor? Is there a shit ton of glitter, sophistication and banners up in there? You are chic. You are chic as fuck. I won't be invited to your party but I support it nonetheless.


Are you a creep-ass Halloween decorator? Skulls, blood and unsettling medical paraphernalia? Do you break out the dead things in jars for Halloween decorating? You are creepy. We are kindred spirits and you can carry on, sir.

Whatever combination of methods you choose to implore in your Halloween decorating adventures, do it without apology. Happy Halloween!

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