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If Serial Killers Were Actually A Boyband

You know who the heartthrob would be.

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The Funny Guy- John Wayne Gacy

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Sure, he is not much to look at (actually...he is a lot to look at depending on how you look at it) and the bodies hidden beneath his floorboards will certainly keep him from doing an episode of Cribs...but he's literally a clown. Every boyband needs a funny guy. Just hide him in the corner of photos and let him charm everyone during interviews.

Catchphrase: "I'm a clown in the street and a clown in the sheets. No, seriously. I'm a fucking clown. Want to see the handcuff trick?"

The Bad Boy- Richard Ramirez

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So moody. So dark. Richard Ramirez is definitely the bad boy. He will be the one to say completely inappropriate things in interviews and have pre-marital relations. Just make sure he keeps his mouth closed as much as possible because he is known for some gnarly halitosis. To be safe while recording, only let him contribute a "Yeah girl" here and there.

Catchphrase: "Toothpaste is for squares."

The Heartthrob- Ted Bundy

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If you are going to have one guy as the Timberlake of this stone-cold pack of weirdos, it's Ted Bundy. I mean, let's be real here. Ted is the bee's knees if you discount his entire way of living his life. The man could cut glass with that razor sharp jawline. He's downright dreamy. Should we be ashamed of this? Probably. Am I ashamed of this? No.

Catchphrase: "Hey girl, I'm conservative with my politics but I'm very liberal with my affection."

The Shy Guy- Jeffrey Dahmer

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Jeffrey just needs the group to stay together. For the love of all things, do not give this delicate little flower any indication that you may venture out as solo artists. He doesn't take abandonment well. He can be an asset to the group if everyone keeps power tools and chemistry books away from him. If all conditions are met, he can smile and offer up some sweet baritone vibes but he generally just needs a lot of validation.

Catchphrase: "I could just eat you up."

The Weird One- Charles Manson

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There is always one that doesn't quite belong and doesn't even actually sing. Well, that's Charles Manson. He isn't even technically a serial killer but somehow, he is in the group. How does he do it? A magical charisma that only he know how to wield. He has to be a part of the band because he will undoubtedly be someone's favorite member. We have to give the Howie Dorough fans someone, right?

Catchphrase:"I'm just psyched to be here, man."

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