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    May 28, 2019

    17 No-Filter Tweets That Are Guaranteed To Make You Cackle

    "At my sister's wedding, my toast will just be, 'Wow, there really is someone for everybody.'"

    1.

    Chris Evans’s booty from avengers https://t.co/qPuApsryHn

    Twitter: @justcallhermom / Twitter: @justcallhermom

    2.

    today marks the 10 year anniversary of the time i fell off the swings at a park and some bitch ass kid said “what season is it?? fall?” i pray that he’s dead every single day

    Twitter: @worldslive

    3.

    Me: will there be sausage rolls? Margaret [sobbing uncontrollably]: th-there- Me [louder]: Margaret. Your husband's funeral. Sausage rolls?

    Twitter: @david8hughes

    4.

    i call the cops on white women smoking weed!😌 bitch u think this is broad city

    Twitter: @littlestwayne

    5.

    Late on bills? Forget to return a phone call? Failed an exam? Not to worry. Society is collapsing and life is going extinct

    Twitter: @crunchyslice

    6.

    my mom said "what are y'all gonna do when I die and leave?" and my sister said "Bitch imma do me" lmaaaooooo I hate this house

    Twitter: @kungpao6

    7.

    teachers used to hold that damn pizza party over your head the whole year "quiet down or no pizza party!" bitch fuck you and that pizza foh

    Twitter: @ShineMyShit

    8.

    At my funeral take the bouquet off my casket & throw it in the crowd to see who next

    Twitter: @DrDionte_Betts

    9.

    bitches on tinder b like “just on here to make friends 😌” well I’m here to scissor, u on the wrong app sis

    Twitter: @taliabunansa

    10.

    at my sister's wedding, my toast will just be: "wow there really IS someone for everybody"

    Twitter: @anugov1

    11.

    Congratulations on your promotion 🙌🏿 https://t.co/Q4dsPWaQOf

    Twitter: @Rory_Breaker_ / Twitter: @fairlyoddkia

    12.

    when i was in 3rd grade i brought a snack and my teacher said “do you have enough for the whole class?” and i said no and then he told me to throw them out so the next day i brought 27 packs of cheezits for the whole class and that’s when i became a communist fuck you mr. hoover

    Twitter: @worldslive

    13.

    boyfriends deadass get mad when u touch their butt like it's our fault they got the wagon??? no one asked u to be double cheeked up like this. u stupid ass bad bitch. thick ass slice of heaven. why u walk in the room n ur ass walks in 5 minutes later

    Twitter: @bbybollywood

    14.

    self care is officially over we're doing drugs again

    Twitter: @turtlekiosk

    15.

    My mum asked if I had anything to suck on during the flight; apparently "idk what does the pilot look like" wasn't an acceptable answer

    16.

    *dumps Gatorade on an alligator* How does your family taste you green piece of shit

    Twitter: @dearjhonletter

    17.

    tryna find me a diego to fuck, yes i know he’s my cousin

    Twitter: @dcagiunta

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