1.
I fucking love toast, what absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like "cook it again", unreal
2.
at the gym i said subscription instead of membership and the girl replied with 'lol this isnt a pharmacy'. bitch thats a prescription were both stupid
3.
My sister snapped me this, but I feel like it deserves to be seen by so many more 😭
4.
You get 3 wishes https://t.co/1FxzTHCk6b
5.
“what’s your WiFi password” “It’s on the back of the router” Router: https://t.co/6adCjXpMgm
6.
im crying im so happy for them
7.
So I’m @ the bank waiting in line & the guy in front of me is spitting game to the teller, she’s laughing & he’s attractive so I can tell she’s digging it, he asks her if he can take her out and she says “with what? The whole $11.96 you got in your account?” SON, my chest 😭
8.
Mom: “Come help me get the groceries out of the car” Me:
9.
The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and still isn’t as sensitive as a white man on the Internet
10.
We just spent a hour looking for her.
11.
Why do airplane tickets have to be so expensive!! Having separate continents is so stupid retweet if you miss pangaea
12.
Dinner date didn’t go as planned
13.
Me setting my alarm for every 5 minutes in the morning
14.
I’m 100% convinced my grandma was the reason Mexico won
15.
"your order has been shipped" me:
16.
never forget the time my brother missed the bus and wrote my mom this note
17.
My sister brought the Grinch an onion yesterday and I about died 😂😂😂
18.
who the fuCK CHANGED THE SOUND LMAOOOO
19.
One of my favorite games to play is “is my headache from dehydration, caffeine withdrawal, lack of proper nutrition, my ponytail, stress, lack of sleep, not wearing my glasses or brain tumor?”
20.
21.
So dramatic! Dude from the weather channel bracing for his life, as 2 dudes just stroll past. #HurricaneFlorence
22.
My cousin’s boyfriend proposed to her but she didn’t have her nails done lmao
23.
this is how lil kids cough
24.
Spongebob and the jellyfish when they threw that house party
25.
I followed my dad around with a confetti cannon for a couple weeks... 😂😂😂
26.
when she says she only dates good boys
27.
I'm ☠️☠️☠️ yall lol 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 & can't STOP laughing at all!!!
28.
Bill Nye just walked into our elevator while I was snap chatting..
29.
I'm still shook
30.
31.
I edited this with And I oop and I don’t know why but I’m laughing so hard 😭