The thread got a ton of comments as professionals across various medical fields revealed the odd things patients tried to hide. Here are some of the best responses:
1. That they swallowed a pen.
"He wouldn't admit it even after an X-ray showed the pen in his bowel and we took it out out during an emergency surgery."
2. That they were actually bald.
"We had a patient in his mid-50s come in for brain surgery. He knew we would have to shave his hair for the surgery, but he didn't tell us he had a wig. After he gets put to sleep, the surgeon grabbed his hair to start shaving it off and the wig peeled off."
4. How a bottle of coke got in their rectum.
"A guy wouldn't tell me how a 20-ounce Coke bottle was lodged all the way up his rectum. He denied it vehemently in front of his wife. That was weird and awkward."
5. That their urine sample was actually water.
"I had an 8-year-old patient who I needed a urine sample from. He was in the bathroom and I heard the sink on full blast. When he's done he hands me a cup of water and says that his pee is always this clear."
6. That they did cocaine.
"After running tests, I told a patient with chest pains that it wasn't a heart attack and was probably a result of cocaine use. He said, 'I didn't use cocaine. I was at a party and people had some lines of cocaine out on a table. As I was walking by, a fan blew the cocaine into my face."
7. How they got pregnant.
"I had a patient who tried to tell me they got pregnant by being inseminated from swimming in a pool that a couple just had sex in."
8. How a remote control ended up in their rectum.
"A 54-year-old man wouldn't explain how a Zenith television remote control wound up in his rectum. It's weird especially since they stopped making Zenith TV sets years ago."
9. Why they were peeing blood.
"A woman came in because she was peeing blood. We put a camera into her bladder and found it was full of citrus seeds and pits. When asked why she put them there, she said she eats a lot of fruit."
10. That they were sneaking drugs into the hospital.
"I had an elderly lady who would wake up briefly to answer questions but then be out like a light seconds later. She denied drug use several times. As we’re about to put her on a ventilator, we cut off her bra and out pops a little baggy with some white powder and a baby straw."
11. How an eyeliner pen got in their penis.
"This man in the ER had an eyeliner pen stuck in his penis. He said that he slipped but we later found out he saw it on TV and thought it would feel good."
12. That they smoke cigarettes.
"A patient told me he didn't smoke for 10 years even though I could literally smell the smoke on his clothes and breath, and see the nicotine stains on his fingers."
13. That they ate before surgery.
"I had a child patient who wasn't supposed to eat eight hours before sedation. One kid walked in eating a bag of Cheetos at the reception desk and then their parent insisted that they hadn't eaten."
14. Why they were taking pills to lactate at 60 years old.
"A patient was almost 60 years old and told me the reason they were taking a drug to make them lactate was so their husband could pump them because it would help their fibromyalgia."
15. How a toothpick got in their penis.
"A man got a toothpick in his penis. He refused to tell me how it really got in there. He insisted he was picking his teeth and it fell in."
16. That their abdominal pains were from sex toys.
"I had a patient with severe abdominal pain and he said it was because of difficulty passing bowels. Tests showed his colon was ruptured and it turned out it was from using sex toys."
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.