Posted on Nov 13, 2019

35 Dating And Sex Tweets From The Last Decade That Are Just As Funny As They Are Accurate

"Almost 22 years ago, two people had sex and now I have to go to work every day."

Ajani Bazile

by Ajani Bazile

BuzzFeed Staff

1.

casual sex implies the existence of ranked competitive sex

2.

posting a sc story for 1 specific person to see is the modern day equivalent of gatsby hosting elaborate parties in hopes that daisy attends

3.

My perfect date? We meet at a gala. I am wearing a black gown and you’re dressed in a tuxedo. After we dance, you leave suddenly. I follow you outside. You’ve stolen the Declaration of Independence. You’re Nicholas Cage. This is National Treasure

4.

Shower sex? why would I fuck in my crying chamber

5.

british people be having sex like:

mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving

6.

Guy: *gets blowjob*
Guy: did u cum babe

7.

when you’re waiting for him to pass you the towel https://t.co/Fs4QyUQ6Gk

8.

me waking up my man at 3am for dick

9.

Me after trying pussy for the first time

10.

almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday

11.

me during sex: hurt me

them: you were never that smart you just were good at reading as a child so you were given special attention and it gave you a complex

me: wait-

them: you don’t try at school because youre convinced ur natural intellect will save you but u don’t have it

12.

Romance: During lovemaking you ask your gf to put her finger in your butt. She does & when she pulls it out there's an engagement ring on it

13.

Men will literally nut 💦 45 seconds into sex and then have the audacity to ask if you came? 🤔🙄 YEAH I CAME.. TO THE WRONG GAWDDAMN HOUSE! 🤦🏽‍♂️🙄😩

14.

[watching porn] I hope they stay together

15.

Any time I actually have sex

16.

eating ass for the first time:

17.

high school boys need to chill with weird expectations for girls like what are you bringing to the table oh right a bucket hat

18.

if you dating a white guy you're single to me. tf Matt gonna do, start a podcast?

19.

i’m FAR from catching feelings

me
📍
📏 (2 steps)
📏
📍planning a wedding

20.

What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates:
1. Nice shirt.
2. Wow. A second nice shirt.
3. Okay, first shirt again.
4. He has two shirts.

21.

I dead ass ate pineapples for a month and this boy told me my pussy tasted like cheetos sooo y'all lying out here

22.

me: Let me slip into something more uncomfortable.
him: Uncomfortable?
me (getting naked): Yes.

23.

If she’s making eye contact while slowly putting her hair in a ponytail you’re either going to die or get a blow job.

24.

*pokes sex life with a stick

25.

chuuch @ch000ch

your dating profile: i LOVE adventures me: sounds like i'd have to do stuff. next-->
01:49 AM - 25 Jan 2016
Reply Retweet Favorite

26.

[introducing myself to new boyfriends parents]

"Hi, I usually don't make it this far"

27.

dating in high school: lets make out
dating in college: lets get drunk and make out
dating as an adult: lets do our best to not die alone

28.

the idea dating
of having
a loving partner

29.

If there's a sock on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with the other one.

30.

[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me"

31.

Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.

32.

My favorite festive sex position is "the ornament"; its when someone barely touches me and I fall and emotionally shatter into 100 pieces

33.

Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba

34.

After I orgasm, I yell "Aaaaand scene." Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say "Ummm. We'll call u."

35.

one time i had sex while watching zootopia for the first time and she got mad because i kept looking at the movie lmaooooo... it’s a good movie smh

#Tweets

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