Recently, Reddit user u/Starboy3210 asked, "People of Reddit, what is the dumbest reason your (ex) partner gave for cheating?"
And, y'all...the excuses these exes gave were so unbelievable, they should've just said nothing at all:
1. "My ex said that he cheated on me with his kids' mom so it didn't count."
2. "My ex told me, 'You are dying! Do you really want me alone when you are dead?' I was fighting cancer. Luckily, both types of cancer are out of my life now."
3. "My ex said they were 'so drunk' they 'forgot' they had a boyfriend."
4. “My ex told me, 'My dad cheated on my mom, so it’s a curse.' This was after the many times he told me how much he hated his dad for hurting his mother repeatedly."
5. "He said he was drunk, and he said he thought the woman he hooked up with was me. We had been married for 12 years at that point. I laughed in his face."
6. "She said she was going to break up with me before sleeping with someone else but forgot."
7. "My ex couldn't get me off and said he cheated because he wanted to know that he wasn't totally worthless as a man (his words, mind you). He reassured himself with seven other partners, so I guess he was looking for statistically significant results."
8. "My ex-girlfriend said, 'I forgot you were alive.' For details, I wasn't in the military; I was in university."
9. “My friend's ex told her, 'I only slept with her because she looks like you.' My friend was away in Mexico for two weeks when he cheated. She found out because I saw her boyfriend with who I assumed was my friend, and I texted her asking to hang out later. When she told me she wasn’t back yet, I let her know."
10. "My ex's excuse was: 'Because I missed you.' That was a real side-splitter."
11. "I couldn't have sex for two weeks because I was recovering from surgery, so she thought it wasn't 'cheating.'"
12. "My ex said, 'She was prettier than you, what did you expect?' We were engaged and had been dating for three years."
13. "My ex tried to say that she needed to make sure she could do it with someone else before being able to have a threesome with me. I never once offered a threesome, so I don't know where the idea came from."
14. "My ex's excuse was 'I was trying to make friends.'"
15. "My ex said, 'It’s like if you order the same Subway sandwich for a year. Eventually, you’re gonna get bored of it. But you try another flavor, and when you go back to the original one, it’s better than you remembered.' It felt not so good being compared to a 6-inch BLT, TBH."
16. "My ex said, 'It's not like we're married.' Apparently, I can't expect respect from someone who goes from calling me 'the love of my life' to fooling around with her high school hookup buddy when he comes back to town."
17. "He said that he cheated on me because I wanted to have too much sex. More than five years later, I still can't find any logic in that."
18. "My ex said, 'You never specifically said I wasn’t allowed to sleep with [woman he had slept with before we were together]. I thought you meant I wasn’t allowed to sleep with NEW people.' This was well after a conversation we had had agreeing that we were monogamous and exclusive."
19. "He said it was my fault for not being at that party with him, even though I wasn’t invited, and he didn’t tell me he was going."
20. "My ex said, 'Just because we're living together doesn't mean we're monogamous!'"
21. “My ex said, 'I didn’t view it as cheating in the moment. I was exploring a part of myself.'”
22. "My ex told me, 'Long distance is really hard.' I lived an hour away."
23. "He downloaded Tinder and said it was to 'promote his band.'"
24. "My ex said, 'I thought you were cheating, so I did.'"
25. "My partner said she cheated because I was mad at her...for cheating on me several days before."
26. "My ex said, 'It happens in every relationship. It’s a normal thing to see other people.'”
27. "My ex told me, 'He didn't want to sleep alone, so I let him sleep with me.'"
28. "My ex was worried that I was 'out of his league' and didn't want to get hurt when I inevitably cheated on him."
29. “My ex actually said, 'I wanted you to fight for me.'”
30. "I was toying with vegetarianism, and my partner said he cheated because 'I just wanna be able to go out and split a steak.'"
31. "The dumbest excuse a partner told me was 'We were checking each other for ticks.' With your mouths???"
32. And lastly, "My ex said, 'You can't have children anymore so I just slept with your friend to get pregnant. I was hoping that once you found out, you'd stay with me and raise the kid. You're such a good dad.'"
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.