39 Tweets From The Last Two Weeks That Are So Funny, I Almost Pissed My Pants Laughing

    "At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next."

    Somehow, half of May is already behind us. Even though we still have quite some time until the end of the month, there have already been some hilarious gems on Twitter. Here are some of the funniest tweets from this month:

    And follow the accounts that made you laugh so your Twitter timeline will be even better!


    “I was born in 2007” sounds fake af nobody is born that late bro

    Twitter: @noahdonotcare


    My landlord just told me rent is going up by a lot

    Twitter: @danlicatasucks


    At a straight bar and a girl asked if I was interested in buying her a drink … ma’am.

    Nickelodeon / Twitter: @JoshieMoloshie


    lana was really 27 saying pick me up after school… GIRL GO TO WORK

    Twitter: @jennatalia47


    Just heard a woman yell “noooo my phone” from inside a porta potty. Wishing her nothing but the best.

    Twitter: @missmulrooney


    HBO / Twitter: @miumiumatcha


    At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.

    Twitter: @Margoandhow


    Twitter: @jeezusbby


    missing the era where popstars would perform any and every song any and everywhere. ariana performing bang bang on the fuckin country music awards JDJZBXJZHX

    Twitter: @varcmus


    Twitter: @horse_feedbag


    Comedians when the have to film a special

    Fox / Twitter: @thisdiegolopez


    Twitter: @saintdiavolo


    Every time someone on here goes "y'all are overreacting, the Republicans arent banni-" some legislator in Missouri rolls up his sleeves and gets ready to write the craziest law you've ever heard

    Twitter: @punishedmother


    Twitter: @fartshopping


    Twitter: @hauteblood


    Mind you they were in high school and not working in an office

    Freeform / Twitter: @stuckiny2k


    it’s my first hot girl summer, do i start with swallowing tequila or kids? 😭

    Twitter: @lunakimm


    *guy who forgot the word non-binary* yeah they use they/them pronouns. i think they.. ah what’s the word…. they don’t believe in the two-party system

    Twitter: @daughter_ion


    stop tryna make deodorant organic. y’all need the aluminum

    Twitter: @Vintageasoul


    Twitter: @aquabuu


    Daddy said growing up in the coal mines, one year for Xmas he got a toothbrush, the next year he got a bike, times were so unpredictable! I heard that story for years, finally relayed it to my grandma. She said, "Tell your dad he got his bike the year we got the goddamn union."

    Twitter: @julie_goats


    accidentally said “medium” at Starbucks and the barista started crying at the register because they were so understaffed

    Twitter: @natalietweeeets


    at work today i served a little girl some ice cream, and her mom says “honey, what do u say?” And she looks me dead in the eyes and says “I love u” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    Twitter: @NourAbadiii


    did it hurt? when the writers of your favorite tv show ruined it

    Twitter: @Korah26


    I took one of my students phone and put it in my drawer. 10 min later, I see her on the phone again I’m like ???? she gon say “you just like my mom. y’all love a lil drawer” LITTLE GIRL LMFAOOOOOOO

    Twitter: @legendarykleo


    My mom making me come say hi to somebody I “knew” as a baby

    Fox / Twitter: @WhoTFissim


    in college i got dumped in front of a student tour group. 2020 got dumped in a covid testing line. this week at a party some1 was taking a pic on my phone & announced i got a txt: the guy i’m seeing is hooking up with some1 else. how many villain origin stories can 1 person have?

    Twitter: @anne_sundell


    i miss him (the worst person i’ve ever met)

    Twitter: @vampgirlfrnd


    the key to job security is making sure people are obsessed with your vibe

    Twitter: @thisyearsgurl


    don’t invite me to yo crib if yo floors gone season da bottom of my feet

    Twitter: @Frankiexii


    oui oui yesterday i had little croissant and too much coffee and so i had a … how you say … panique attaque

    Twitter: @wisewordswithjp


    Twitter: @bloodskinteeth


    finding out the person you like is a loser is the worst type of gender reveal

    Twitter: @aliyahInterlude


    I think the funniest assembly I ever went to in high school was when they brought in this former crack addict to warn us about the dangers of smoking crack but it was super obvious how much he missed smoking crack

    Twitter: @OctopusCaveman


    haven’t gone back to the gym since i kept using my phone and someone asked me if it’s fingers day

    Twitter: @birkinmami


    I want a baby so we can do things together

    Twitter: @witchofwaxhaw


    You think a man with dangly earrings is gon build you a HOUSE?!

    Twitter: @CaptainMjD


    mfs was having sex at 13 and I was tryna figure out what 8/7 central meant on disney channel

    Twitter: @isthtmus


    i love that when british people sing they cut out all that bullshit

    Twitter: @asantesinferno