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    Posted on 15 Dec 2017

    A Recap Of What We Should've Learnt Since 16th December 2012

    Rape prevention kit as provided by Indian politicians.

    1. Girls, if you suspect that a suspicious-looking guy is 'bout to make a move, address him as your brother and also recite the Saraswati mantra.

    According to Asaram Bapu.

    2. Instead of complaining about Delhi and Gurgaon, move your ass to a village or a forest. At least you won't get raped as they are obviously untouched by western culture.


    RSS granddaddy, Mohan Bhagawat thinks so.

    3. Look up to your South Indian friends — dress modestly and visit temples as frequently as they do. That is the reason why instances of rape are so less in Chennai.

    Viacom 18 Motion Pictures

    Madhya Pradesh minister, Bapulal Gaur clearly adores South India.

    4. Don't crib about rapes if it hasn't happened to you. Only those who crib about rapes happening to other people get raped.

    Disney-UTV Motion Pictures

    Akhilesh Yadav isn't here for your nagging, bitches.

    5. Get married as SOON. AS. POSSIBLE. Ensure the same safety for your babies by getting them betrothed when they are embryos.


    Former Haryana CM, Om Prakash Chautala thought so.

    6. The "right" type of rape is not problematic. So, don't complain when you've been raped nicely.

    Red Chillies Entertainment

    Babulal Gaur at it again.

    7. And if you are hell bent on complaining, don't over complain as that causes revenue loss to the Tourism department.


    Arun Jaitley fulfilling his finance minister duties first.

    8. Shoot any person of the opposite sex that you encounter. Interaction of sexes inevitably leads to rape.

    Anurag Kashyap films

    Mamata Banerjee isn't here for socialisation of sexes.

    9. Burn your jeans and cell phones!

    Ranvir Singh, Haryana Khap Panchayat leader, wants you to burn yourself too.

    10. Never ever consume chow mein again. Also, golgappas, chhole-bhature, chicken vindaloo, basically every spicy food is cancelled.

    Dharma Productions

    Jitender Chattar, also a Haryana Khap Panchayat leader, cannot digest spicy food. So, you shouldn't too.

    11. Get ugly. Don't take baths. Don't comb your hair. Ugliness is such a turn-off.


    Abhijit Mukherjee hates make-up on women. So progressive.

    12. Wear 398 layers of clothing in the summer. And just to be safe, also wear a watch like Mr. India's.

    Dharma Productions

    NCP women leader, Asha Mirje, wants you to wear your own portable sauna.

    13. Get specific endocrinal glands removed, because pheromones attract a man's animal instincts.

    Dharma Productions

    Kiran Bedi explained it better through Pigeon sex.

    14. Vandalise and burn down any shop with scantily clad mannequins. Or, better yet, forget shopping.

    Ritu Tawade, a BJP contracted got all hot and bothered by mannequins.

    15. Check your horoscope. If Mercury is in retrograde, your rape is pakka. Can't do anything about it.

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    'The Fault In Our Stars' as explained by Chhattisgarh's home minister, Nanki Ram Kanwar.

    16. Pop a bottle of champagne, pour some into a flute, empty a sachet of cyanide into it and say, "cheers to no rape!"

    Sippy Films

    But sadly, it turns out some people are really into necrophilia too.

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