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    Just 23 Tweets That Made Me Snort Laugh In 2018

    "I will press "remind me tomorrow" on that computer update until I am dead."

    1.

    *one nostril gets clogged up* me:

    2.

    londoners in 1888 when they saw jack the ripper in a dark alleyway

    3.

    4.

    I SAID hey there summerboy, let’s go for a drive

    5.

    remember when you were little and your aunt's xmas list was like "thick socks and a bag of nice coffee" and you were like, what a strange list wonder what her life is like maybe it's sad and then you got older and you realized she knew exactly how to live

    6.

    CRUELLA DEVILLEEEEE CRUELLA DEVILLEEEEE IF SHE DOESNT SCARE YOUUU NO EVIL THING WILLLLLL

    7.

    (inaudible) O come let us adore him (normal) O come let us adore him (screamed at top of lungs) O COME LET US ADORE HIM (perfectly normal as if nothing had just happened) Christ the lord

    8.

    Pangolins are cute because they always look like they're about to hesitantly present some bad news to their sovereign lord. "Pardon me sire... my liege if I may.... the prisoners.... they've..... well, they've escaped."

    9.

    Guy at party: and that’s how Bitcoin works Me: *nudging my service parrot* Parrot: squawk that’s so interesting that’s so interesting

    10.

    why do I spend so much time on holiday in Europe looking at trays of fish I never do this at home

    11.

    I’m on a first date with a hottie. He smiles at me, blown away by my wit & charm. “You’re not like other girls, are you?” I smile back, my lips part. My mouth unhinges to reveal the demon legion of female identifying feminists & we speak together. “I’m exactly like other girls.”

    12.

    Honestly I think about this excerpt from a @nytimes article at least once a day

    13.

    ME: Phone, I have a very important meeting in July. Here is the date. Please don't forget. PHONE: Sorry, I am only going to remember one thing for you ever, and it's The Battle Of The Boyne.

    14.

    now i hërd thërë wäs sëcrët class whërë hë lërn how to scrëm at ass but ü don't rëlly cäre for müsic do ü

    15.

    just sniggered aloud bc christina aguilera released a song that sampled the wedding march and took herself to be her lawfully wedded bitch

    16.

    The troubleshooting section for our new fridge has melted my heart. Imagine being the copywriter who sat there for hours trying to decipher the language of fridge...

    17.

    I will press "remind me tomorrow" on that computer update until I am dead.

    18.

    no one: person who likes garlic: 12 CLOVES!! THAT'S HOW MANY I PUT IN!! THE RECIPE ONLY CALLED FOR ONE!! 12!!! CAN U BELIEVE THAT

    19.

    When girls say they are “running errands” they’re actually at TJ Maxx sniffing candles for 45 minutes

    20.

    21.

    One thing A Star Is Born got right about falling in love is that moment everyone has where you take off your hat and put it on the other person’s head, then they laugh because it isn’t their hat, then take it off and put it back on your (the original hat wearer’s) head.

    22.

    ‘You’re a bitch’ 11 year old me: a bitch is a female dog and a dog barks, bark is apart of trees, trees are apart of nature, nature is beautiful. thank you for the compliment

    23.

    game companies making sure you know a character is a woman