The 20 Stages Of Getting A Massage

Relaxation in 5,4,3…

1. You’ve booked a massage. Woohoo!

2. Work has been playing on your mind.

3. You’re stiff from sitting in a chair all week, but all that’s going to change.

4. You enter the spa, prepared for ultimate relaxation.

5. You’re led to the treatment room, and prepare to get serene.

6. The therapist leaves you to get changed. You’d forgotten about this part.

7. What are you supposed to do? Trousers on or off?

8. They return, and ask you to take deep breaths.

9. You try and put your face into the hole in the table.

10. And even though you know exactly what’s going on.

11. There is a constant thread of panic in your mind.

12. You can’t seem to relax.

13. One moment it’s too hard.

14. The next it’s too soft.

15. Oh no, they’ve taken out a weirdy treatment oil.

16. But eventually you put your mind to rest and begin to enjoy it.

17. So by the time you’re finished, you’re half asleep.

18. Afterwards you’re loosey goosey.

19. You can’t seem to remember what you were so anxious about.

20. But you’re sure it wasn’t important.

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Ailbhe Malone is the UK lifestyle editor for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
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