Scones with jam and cream
Note: We used the thickest cream we could find, but alas there was no clotted cream available. :-(
Leo: "Mmmmmmmm. I really like the taste of the pastry – the scone. It's very bready, but also sweet and floury. And the cream and jam combo is so rich and dreamy. Thumbs up."
Erin: "People have this every day at teatime, I assume? It's messy and good! This tastes like a fluffy cookie to me, with jam and whipped cream. It's perfect. Why don't we have this? I wish we celebrated teatime so I could have this every day. It's really rich. Also, should I pronounce it SCON? OR SCHOHNE?"
Leo: "Who is Eccles? Ooh, there's a surprise inside! Are those currants? Basically, my experience with this treat has been a bit of a rollercoaster — my excitement has gone up then down. It's too sweet for me, but I enjoy the presentation."
Erin: "This looks sort of like a scone, rolled in sugar. So I'm down with that. I really like this. I like it because it's so sugary. It feels like even the currants are rolled in sugar. It looks like what Starbucks pastries aspire to be in the States but will never be."
Leo: "It's a little sour and kind of tangy? It's like a fish Dorito! I'd have this with beer. A dry martini, scotch, alcohol of any kind, really (apart from Blue WKD). I am super into these."
Erin: "There's a weird aftertaste. I do taste a little bit of fishyness in the aftertaste. I like fish. I just don't know if I want fish in Doritos form. They also dissolve really quickly. Why are they dissolving so quickly? Do you all know something I don't?"
Leo: "Oohhurhhhhhhruugghhh. Is it bubblegum-flavoured? Why is it orange if it doesn't taste orange? And there's this running man on the bottle, as if this is some sort of healthy drink? I'm confused, and I feel this could possibly be radioactive. It's a no."
Erin: "Judging by the man on this drink, I assume this is the drink of Olympians? It smells like an energy drink. I dunno. Yeah. It's not good. It's really bad. This is what you get from a corner store when you're drunk and trying to buy things that will hopefully make you feel better in the morning. But this would make you feel worse, I think. It's terrible, I have no words."
Leo: "It reminds me of childhood. It doesn't feel like a nutritious breakfast. Although I appreciate things that are spelled with unusual letter, like using a K instead of a C. That's cool. Overall, I'm not mad at this cereal."
Erin: "It's a mini chocolate bar, inside of a piece of cereal. I've never been more excited for cereal! I'm sad we don't have this in the States, but I'm happy you guys have sugary cereal, like us."
Hot cross buns
Leo: "I've always wondered what hot cross buns are because that's the song you learn on the recorder in school and then you drive your parents mad playing it. This isn't what I imagined. I guess they sort of taste like tea? Tea in a dough. Not my favourite."
Erin: "This smells like something I'm gonna like. I like it. I'm a Catholic, though. This is taking me to church. Can I have another bite? It has lots of raisins and things that make me think it's healthy, but it's probably not. I'm just going to pretend it is."
Leo: "Wow. This is very blue. Like the colour of alien blood or something. This tastes like blue raspberry candy, which makes me think it would have been quite the hit in the '90s. Is there even alcohol in here? I think you'd need to drink like, 12 of these to get even the slightest bit drunk."
Erin: "This is a blue Ring Pop, but in drink form. It smells like bubblegum that has gone stale. That being said, I think I would drink this. It's not a bad taste, but this is what college punches are made out of."
Leo: "Seems pretty simple? Bread and meat is a good combination. I think there's probably a better version of this out there. I guess this just seems like a fancier hot dog to me. Would British people have this at sports events? I can go either way on this."
Erin: "Oh, it smells like butter. And it looks like something we have in America called pigs in a blanket. I like everything about this. It's not my favourite thing thus far, but you guys should try out pigs in a blanket."
Leo: "This smells like something the dentist gives you as a kid. They're really cute! And very fruity and pleasant. I don't think I've tasted anything too similar to this flavour in America. Percy Pigs: Two thumbs up."
Erin: "I really love the name Percy Pig. Like an animal cookie, but in gummy form! This tastes like Laffy Taffy to me – in America, Laffy Taffy is taffy [a toffee-like candy] you chew on, and it's super sweet. It's more a foam than a gummy. Also, it's huge. It's taken me three bites to get through! More Percy, please."
Erin: "This is some classy shit."
Leo: "It smells kind of like Coca-Cola? I find this very light and refreshing. I feel like I could be in a garden in the countryside, with a large hat and maybe pink ribbons."
Erin: "Oh yeah. This is it. This is what you drink by the pool, when you want to get drunk with your friends. I would drink a lot of this, and feel very bad about the choices I'd made the next day."
Leo: "It looks like Krumm from Aaahh!!! Real Monsters on the package. The taste changes as you eat them – it's a bit like sour cream and onion, then something else I can't place. I really like these – the shape is also super fun. Please sir, can I have some more?"
Erin: "I'll give Monster Munch this, I really dig the brand name. It's really fun. It does kind of taste like something pickled. Like pickle juice, in a chip. Very strong, very sour taste. It reminds me of Funion Rings? A similar flaky texture. I want to like these – the shape alone! – but this is a no in my heart."