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The Definitive Tourist's Guide To The World Of Super Mario Bros.

This guide will give you 1-Up on other travelers to the Mushroom Kingdom.

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The cloudy idyll Mushroom Kingdom sings with songs of history, natural beauty, and quirky local culture.

You could spend many lives exploring the lush countryside of the Kingdom, so be smart, and follow our simple guidelines and recommendations.

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Make ample use of the kitschy warp pipes and stars Harvard deemed an "indigenous masterpiece of public transportation."

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Plan according to the political climate, as the region is plagued by a civil war between the ruling party's elite mercenaries and the violent Koopa underclass.

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Take advantage of the drug-positive culture and sample all of the local mind-altering delicacies.

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Feel free to hunt, flambΓ©, or stomp out the flora and fauna that populate the countryside, as there are no laws protecting native species.

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Do not be frightened by the various native groups; ethnicities like the Pianta are friendly and offer great prices on gold.

They are a kind, gentle folk who like to dance. Consider taking home their exotic dress as a present for your grandmother; they make great bath towels.

Lastly, don't warp everywhere. The Kingdom has some very friendly indigenous creatures that provide access to niche spots unavailable by warp.

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1. For the first-time visitor: Stroll or kart around majestic Peach's Castle.

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πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ Don't expect to see the Princess; she's rarely home.Peach's Castle is one of the few areas not marred by the tragic violence of the civil war. Enjoy the scenic view, ride a Kart around the surrounding area, or have an audience with Toad!
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πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ Don't expect to see the Princess; she's rarely home.

Peach's Castle is one of the few areas not marred by the tragic violence of the civil war. Enjoy the scenic view, ride a Kart around the surrounding area, or have an audience with Toad!

2. Take a brisk, invigorating jog through the expansive countryside.

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πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ If any local attempts to sell you "monthly warp passes," do not buy them. The system is entirely government-funded and such passes are a scam.

Once you've acclimated to the culture, venture out for a jog in the massive plains that surround the Kingdom. Strong, safe choices for first-time travelers include 1-1, Donut Plains, and Super Bell Hill.

3. Embrace your inner snow bunny.

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πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ Be careful! That ground is slippery!

The Kingdom offers several icy-cool areas to chill out, including Cool Cool Mountain, Snowman's Land, and Freezeflame Galaxy (located a short warp star away in outer space). Enjoy sledding, ice skating, kidnapping baby penguins, and spelunking in the low-temp areas of the Kingdom.

4. Take a load off in the quaint resort town of Isle Delfino.

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πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ Tread lightly; the graffiti artists in Delfino are very dangerous.

Isle Delfino is perhaps the most idyllic locale in the surrounding areas of the Kingdom, with one major caveat: It is only accessible by elite chartered flights. Splash around in the intensely clear waters, admire the quaint architecture from street level, or soar to the top of the town center and admire the splendor of the Shine Gate.

5. For the more experienced traveler: Explore the ponderous depths of caverns and the underground.

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πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ Tragically, many tourists have lost their lives after stepping into an open mine shaft. Time your jumps carefully.

The underground is merely a warp pipe away, but the potential missteps for a new traveler are great. Spelunk in Level 1-2, use binoculars to catch a view of the Koopa Paratroopers in the Vanilla Dome, or break the ancient blocks that have supported the Kingdom for years! The underground is yours!

6. Experience spiritual visions in the intense loneliness of the desert.

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πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ The Kingdom has no regulations against looting, so embrace your inner archaeologist and break everything you see!

Easily accessible, but not recommended for first-time travelers or non-hikers. Very little to see, besides the hot, angry sun and kleptomaniac buzzards. If you must, visit the Koopahari Desert, Shifting Sand Land, or the Dusty Dune Galaxy.

7. Cry from laughter or horror at kitschy Ghost Houses.

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πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ Locals harbor a strange superstition that the supernatural won't approach a visitor who stares them in the face.

Perfect for the independent, quirky thinker. Outsiders often struggle to understand the logic of these plentiful repositories of musky wood and regional lore, but it is best to regard them simply as eerie, atmospheric mazes. Famous examples include Big Boo Haunt, the Sunken Ghost Ship, and the Ghostly Galaxy.

8. For the bravest of travelers: Admire the militaristic nobility of the Koopa Liberation Army's majestic forts, palaces, and airships.

πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ If you do happen to meet Bowser, dress conservatively as not to excite the Koopa's patriarchal values.

If you are somehow able to acquire a pass from the Revolutionary Council, definitely make a trip out to the Koopa fortresses. The Koopas are expert brick layers and have legendary hospitality for their guests. However, gaining their trust is extremely difficult. Famous examples include Bowser's Castle, the Koopalings' Castle, and the Flying Airships.

9. Sweat out your worries in a hot magma spa.

πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ The only way to fight fire is with fire.

Protective gear is a must-have when visiting the lava pits of the Kingdom, but so is a healthy, adventurous attitude! The lava is home to all sorts of mysterious creatures and natural formations. Try to catch a glimpse of the natural fireballs or make friends with a Blargg! Very risky for tourists, but oh so hot right now.

10. And finally, for the most patient of travelers, experience the beautiful chaos of the sea.

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πŸ„ Toad's Tip πŸ„ Prepare for nightmares.

Frustrating for even the most savvy tourist, these oceans require expert swimming skills, a working knowledge of the violent wildlife, and a breathing machine. Jolly Roger Bay is to be avoided at all costs, but consider Dire Dire Docks or 2-2.

What are you waiting for? Take a jump into the wildest trip of your life!

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