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For Everyone Who Has Ever Felt Personally Victimized By Dry Chicken


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Hello. I'm Ahmed. And it's time for me to admit something: plain chicken breast is the most disappointing food.

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I don't believe chicken breast is inherently bad. It IS, however, deceptive. You hope for something juicy and well-seasoned...

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...but most of the time, what you're getting is a pile of cut-up, corrugated cardboard.

You choose chicken, not because it's flavorful, but because it feels safe.

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But it's NOT. Unlike other meats, chicken is a LITERAL safety hazard when undercooked and therefore, overcooked and terrible as a matter of course.

"Come over, I'm cooking chicken" can honestly be traumatic.

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Once dry chicken is in your mouth, there's no escape.

You gotta just grin and bear it like everything's okay.

When you eating dry chicken and they ask if you are enjoying it.


People torture themselves with dry-ass chicken breast because it's "healthy," like no other lean meats exist.

Or as if dark meat isn't just as good.

Or as if dark meat isn't just as good.

Every chicken is a possible betrayal. It doesn't matter how good it looks. Chicken is a lie.

You know there's a problem when you need to blend something to make it edible.

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Literal baby food.

You gotta just chop it up, pack it away, and forget about all the pain.

And this is just talking about COOKED chicken.


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Stop validating dry, unseasoned chicken breast.

Just eat some fried chicken, for crying out loud.

Lauren Zaser / Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

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