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23 Questions American Muslims Should Stop Answering

“Can you explain that to me again? I didn’t hear you the first hundred times.”

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1. Where are you REALLY from?

CBC / Via giphy.com

Most of the time the answer really is Michigan, Texas, or Jersey.

2. Why is there a watering pot in your bathroom?

Shemaroo / Via reddit.com

It's a lota, which we use for... um... uh... well, it's like... for washing your... butt?

3. Are Muslims allowed to listen to music?

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Get at us with some Umm Kulthum, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan or Yasiin Bey and you'll get your answer.

4. So, you're an Islam, right?

ESPN / Via reddit.com

If it only it were as easy as Muhammad Ali makes it look.

5. So, what church do you go to?

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Mosque, Masjid, Islamic Center, Jama'at-Khanna - take your pick, but please, church just ain't right.

6. How can you live without drinking?

Yash Raj Films / Via in.lifestyle.yahoo.com

Plenty of people live without lots of things. Just deal w' it, homie.

7. Oh, you drink? I thought Muslims weren't supposed to.

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You can't win either way.

8. How can a Muslim be gay?

9. Does your husband control what you do outside the house?

Mipsterz / Via youtube.com

*skateboards away*

10. Wait, so you can't eat or drink anything for a whole month?

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I'm not post-human, habibi.

11. But you're not wearing a hijab, so you're not really Muslim, right?

Debmar-Mercury / Via youtube.com

Wow, a new superpower! The ability to tell how religious someone is just by looking at them!

12. Is Barack Obama a secret Muslim?

Not sure, I've never personally met the President of the United States.
Via sunnnyali.tumblr.com

Not sure, I've never personally met the President of the United States.

13. How is your English so good?

Ed and Moe Show / Via youtube.com

Well, it is the native language of my country.

14. Wait, you're not Arabic? Aren't all Muslims Arab?

Mipsterz / Via youtube.com

No. Some of us are from Asswhoopistan.

15. What do you look like without your scarf?

Via giphy.com

YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW.

16. Where are all the moderate Muslims?

NBC / Via giphy.com

Are you trying to say that we're all extreeeeeme?

17. Why don't Muslims speak out against violence?

Yash Raj Films / Via media.giphy.com

DO YOU EVEN HEAR MUSLIMS WHEN WE CONDEMN VIOLENCE?

18. Are you going to have an arranged marriage?

Via nseetansaak.tumblr.com

Actually, all marriages are arranged, even yours. By kismet that is, Masha'Allah.

19. So does your dad have other wives?

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Nah, but he does have a posse.

20. Do you pray five times a day?

ESPN / Via mashable.com

And sometimes after touchdowns!

21. Can Muslims be friends with non-Muslims?

Vevo / Via youtube.com

They can also make dope records together.

22. Why would anyone ever convert to Islam?

Noisey / Via youtube.com

Are you kidding? Who wouldn't wanna party with these badasses?

23. Is Islam a religion of violence? Or is it a religion of peace?

Just stop.

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