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18 Things You Should Never, Ever Do To A True American Patriot


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1. NEVER attempt to give an American any coffee less than the very Essence of America.

2. You should never, ever try to be more petty than an American patriot. You will lose.

3. You should never take a true patriot to the beach unless you're prepared to be massively upstaged.

4. You must never, ever refuse their offer of a BBQ parfait.

5. Never let a patriot leave their country. They will be sad.

6. NEVER attempt this in America.

7. It's clear to a true American patriot that America will always win the Super Bowl. Never argue this point.

Nice try, Europe. / Via

Nice try, Europe.

8. Please, refrain from competing in the Freedom Olympics when in America.

9. And you should never fuck with a true American's pets.

10. Don't even try to compare your country's economy with a true patriot.

11. Or compare the size of your country with America.

12. Make sure you remember to appreciate their vanity plates.

13. You should always let a true American salute a beautiful sight.

14. Never tell an American what to call their country.

15. Never tell a patriot that there is such a thing as "too much America."

16. Including sights like this.

17. You should never tell a true American patriot you're gonna shut down their mosques.

18. And finally, you should never tell a patriot to sit down when meeting the president.

Not gonna happen. / Via

Not gonna happen.

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