1. YOU HELP THEM MOVE WHENEVER THEY ASK, BUT WHEN YOU TEXT THEM "CAN I HAVE SOME HELP MOVING THIS COUCH UPSTAIRS?" THEY REPLY "SORRY, I HAVE STUFF."
2. YOU BUY THEM LUNCH AND THEN GO OUT FOR ICE CREAM AFTERWARDS. THEY DON'T OFFER TO COVER YOUR PEANUT BUTTER BUSTER.
3. YOU'RE LIKE, "HEY, MEET MY MOM. SHE'D LOVE YOU." AND SHE DOES. BUT THEN WHEN YOU GO OVER TO THEIR HOUSE, THEY RUSH YOU TO THEIR BASEMENT AND YOU NEVER EVEN GET TO MEET MRS. STEIN.
4. YOU ALWAYS GO TO THE BLAND ITALIAN RESTAURANT THEY LIKE, BUT WHEN YOU ASK ONE TIME TO GO TO THAT RESTAURANT YOU LIKE, THEY SAY "OH, BUT IT'S TOO SPICY."
5. THEY TELL YOU YOUR JEANS DON'T LOOK GOOD ON YOUR BUTT. YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THEIR OPINION.
6. THEY'RE LIKE "YEAH, I'LL CUT YOUR HAIR, DON'T WORRY I DO IT ALL THE TIME." BUT EVERY TIME YOU ASK THEY KEEP RESCHEDULING AND WHEN THEY FINALLY DO IT, YOU LOOK LIKE ANIMAL FROM THE MUPPETS.
7. WHEN YOU INTRODUCE THEM TO THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, YOU ASK THEM WHAT THEY THOUGHT. THEY SAY "EH."
8. THEY MAKE YOU GO TO A PARTY THAT YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TO. THREE HOURS LATER YOU'RE LIKE "CAN I LEAVE?" THEY SAY "I'LL COME WITH YOU! JUST FIVE MORE MINUTES." TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER YOU SAY, "CAN I LEAVE?"....
9. YOU CHAT THEM TO SAY "HEY I'LL CALL YOU IN A SECOND." THEY SAY, "SORRY, CAN'T, GOING TO SLEEP" BUT THEN YOU SEE THEM LIKING THEIR EX'S PHOTOS ON FACEBOOK.
10. WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO A PARTY, YOU LEND THEM EXACTLY THE RIGHT KIND OF JEWELRY FOR THEM TO LOOK DOWNRIGHT SEXY, BUT WHEN YOU'RE IN A JEWELRY PINCH, ALL THEIR PLASTIC SHIT IS "HEIRLOOMS FROM GRANDMA" THAT YOU CAN'T BORROW.
11. WHEN YOU SLEEP OVER, THEY PUT YOU ON THE COUCH AND DON'T GIVE YOU BLANKETS SO YOU HAVE TO HUDDLE UNDER THE PILLOWS FOR WARMTH
12. YOU GO OUT TO DINNER TOGETHER. YOU SAY, "HEY WANNA TRY MY FOOD?" THEY TAKE A BIG BITE. YOU SIT IN SILENCE WAITING FOR THEM TO OFFER THE SAME. THEY NEVER DO.
13. THEY STAY WAY TOO LATE AT YOUR HOUSE AND NEED TO SLEEP OVER. NATURALLY YOU GIVE THEM YOUR FAVORITE PENGUIN PRINT PAJAMAS. THEY NEVER RETURN THEM.
14. THEY'RE LIKE, "HEY, LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS." WHEN YOU GIVE IT TO THEM THEY CRACK YOUR KNUCKLES. IT SUCKS.
15. THEY DON'T LIKE YOUR PHOTOS ON INSTAGRAM.
16. THEY COMMENT ON YOUR PHOTOS ON FACEBOOK, BUT DON'T LIKE THEM.
17. YOU DEBATE WHICH MOVIE TO WATCH ON NETFLIX, AND THEY'RE LIKE, "YOU CHOSE THE MOVIE LAST TIME!" EXCEPT YOU DIDN'T.
18. THEY'RE LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU AGAIN? ARAB?" EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE TOLD THEM LIKE TWENTY TIMES.
19. YOU COOK THEM DINNER. AFTERWARDS, THEY TEXT ON THE COUCH WHILE YOU WASH DISHES.
20. YOU TELL THEM YOU THINK A MUTUAL FRIEND IS CUTE. THEY IMMEDIATELY HOOK UP WITH THEM.
21. THEY MOVE TO TOWN AND NEED A PLACE SO YOU OFFER YOUR SPARE BEDROOM. THEY STAY THERE FOR 8 MONTHS.
22. THEY GET DUMPED. YOU CANCEL PLANS FOR LIKE A WEEK TO SIT ON THE PHONE WHILE THEY CRY FOR HOURS. WHEN THE SAME HAPPENS TO YOU, THEY'RE LIKE "HEY, I'M SO SORRY I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW, BUT WE'LL TALK SOON." YOU NEVER. FUCKING. DO.
23. YOU GO WITH THEM TO THAT THING THEY LIKE, BUT THEY WON'T GO WITH YOU TO THAT OTHER THING YOU LIKE.