1.When The Sims debuted on February 4th, 2000, humanity was changed forever. Finally, you could mess with the lives of tiny, digital people. It was the best possible way to spend your free time.
2.When you loaded up that CD-ROM for the first time and the cool-as-hell intro video played, you knew this was the dawning of a glorious new millennium.
3.After you feasted your eyes on Neighborhood 1, you never wanted to leave.
4.Then you created your first Sim! Wow, SO MANY OPTIONS. Tall or short, three skin tones, two genders and a couple of outfits! And Comic Sans everywhere!
5.You had some of the best times of all in Buy and Build Mode. Creating a house, shopping for furniture? Hell yeah. Listening to catchy tunes? HELL YEAH!!
6.And saving up for the high-ticket items, like this toilet-to-end-all-toilets, was a huge part of the thrill.
7.And if you didn't install an alarm, all the precious possessions you bought could have gotten stolen by a burglar.
8.Once you had your house set up, you got a job, started carpooling, and your kids took the bus to school. And you better believe both vehicles honked to high heaven if you were outside late.
9.Even worse, if your bratty kid stopped going to school altogether, they'd be sent to...dun dun dun...MILITARY SCHOOL.
10.And between all that, if you didn't pick up your newspapers from your lawn, they'd start decaying and you'd get in trouble!
11.But let's get back to the positives. Remember when you met the Newbies for the first time? Lookin' good!
12....and the most beloved and mysterious character across all versions of The Sims: Bella Goth.
13.And, of course, her faithful, loving husband Mortimer.
14.Speaking of love, let's take a minute to commemorate the best expansion pack for this game: Hot Date.
15.Like, you could invite someone downtown. OOH LA LA.
16.And you could also get this super sexy hot tub...and WooHoo in it.
17.You could also WooHoo on this CRAZY VIBRATING BED!
18.Remember how Sims in the first version of the game had babies?
19.But not all relationships were built to last. Sometimes you silently fell out of love while eating your...what is that? Meat?
20.Okay, so, if you've gotten this far, you were probably a true Sims fan. And if you were a true Sims fan, you proooobably used cheat codes.
21.Like "rosebud." Every Sims user simultaneously pooped their pants when they discovered this one. How can you go back to earning money when you can just cheat?
22.And "motherlode"??? Gimme a break. It was like your birthday when you got all the Simoleons from this code.
23.Now, the other vice/guilty pleasure everyone was guilty of: mercilessly killing their Sims.
24.But Sims didn't always need your help to die. Those idiots weren't great at cooking, so fires were fairly common, and if there's one thing that hasn't changed throughout the versions, it's that they looove standing right next to the flames.
25.And if a Sim died, you might have seen your first Sim ghost!
26.Or maybe you just got some weirdly ominous phone call.
27.In The Sims, a plumbob was just a plumbob. It wasn't some fancy-schmancy feat of computer graphics. It was there to serve a PURPOSE, damnit!
28.So let me leave you with this: the music from TS1, which, of course, you already remember note-for-note.