1. They both correct other people's grammar, like, constantly.
Who? Whom? Who cares?! It's like, enough already, know-it-alls!
2. They both had a pet monkey.
Ross' beloved pet monkey/roommate, Marcel, was almost like a tiny seventh Friend, until he left Ross behind and took a job in show business. This is common knowledge. But how soon some of us forgot Clippy's pet gorilla and fellow virtual assistant, BonziBuddy. They were really close, but BonziBuddy got malware and died. RIP, little guy. You were good. You were good.
3. They both had iconic on-again, off-again relationships.
Ross and Rachel. The most tumultuous love story of a decade — nay, a millennium. Sure, we get it. But you didn't really live through the '90s unless you remember Clippy and Windows Movie Maker. "You scrubbed through my montage video??!" Ugh! Classic!
4. They're both professors.
Ross is a professor of paleontology. Clippy is a professor, in that he teaches people how to write well-worded letters. Cool, huh?
5. They both had two children out of wedlock.
Now this is where it gets weird! Ross has two children, Ben and Emma. Clippy also has two children, AND their names are also Ben and Emma! Ben is a virtual thumbtack (sadly, following in the footsteps of his father, he became obsolete at age 1), and Emma is an .mp3 of the Windows startup sound.
6. They both require a startup disc to operate.
Yup! Ross is a robot. It's heavily implied in Season 1 but then they totally drop it. Plot holes are so annoying!
7. They both have exactly five other friends.
SPOOKY AF, right?! Everyone in the entire universe is aware that Ross has only five friends: Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, and Gunther (if you play a clip from Season 5, Episode 6 backwards, you can hear Ross' voice saying, "I hate Chandler"). Meanwhile, Clippy also has five friends! And they are all office assistants like him. Their names are NetDude, Word Corrector 2.0, Jenkins the Digital Butler, HotWordHelperChick, and Bryce.
8. Ross' middle name is Clippy, and Clippy's middle name is Ross.
I know. I know. After having gone an almost full 10 seasons without revealing Ross' middle name, David Crane and Marta Kaufman, co-creators of Friends, let it slip in an exclusive interview in 2004. Meanwhile, you can clearly see Clippy's full name, Clippy Ross Microsoft, in the loading panel every time you launch a Microsoft Office product.
9. Both had successors named Joey.
Joey had his own spin-off of Friends called Joey, and once Microsoft decided to retire the Office Assistants, they were replaced with a man named Joey who was on call 24/7 to answer letter-writing and grammar questions. Then THAT guy got his own show that was ALSO called Joey!! ON THE SAME NETWORK!!!
10. Ross was born in 1897. Clippy was born in 1997.
I JUST CAN'T.