39 Truths Every British-Born Pakistani Person Will Understand
A glass of Pakota makes everything better.
To your parents, something is either "first class" or "third class".
And people from the motherland are "freshies".
While we're on the topic, people who've never been to the motherland are "coconuts".
You know that nothing is more refreshing than a glass of the green stuff.
You get overly defensive when people think you're Indian.
And even if you hate all sports, as soon as the India vs. Pakistan cricket is on, your heart bleeds green.
You either know everything about Pakistani politics...
... or you know nothing at all.
As far as your dad's concerned, doctors are the cream of the human population.
And to your mum, there's nothing more important than having a good reputation.
Except keeping up to date with Pakistani and Indian TV dramas.
She also lives in constant fear of "nazar/hasad/evil eye".
As soon as revision time hits, she'll bust out the badaam.
Your family taught you to be over-hospitable.
Which means that you often end up cleaning before your cleaner comes round.
And whenever you have guests round, your mum prepares at least 10 different dishes.
Similarly, whenever you visit someone's house, you have to bring a gift.
And whenever you visit family in Pakistan, you have to pack at least 5 suitcases of presents.
When you go back to Pakistan, everyone thinks you live some ultra-glamorous life.
You know that, even if you're at the top of your profession, this holds true.
... or you'll have an arranged one, and pray that it's not going to be with your first cousin.
Either way, if you do end up getting married, you know you're in for one hell of a party.
You know that dawaats last all night, and if there's no one your age at them, they're unbearably dull.
And if you're a woman, you'll spend the whole night helping out in the kitchen.
Being a Pakistani man comes with its own set of problems, though. Like experiencing serious deja vu every time you go to the airport.
But at least you don't have to worry about how fair you are.
You know that the "community" is all-seeing.
Your parents' friends are either "uncles" or "aunties".
And if you don't say "Salaam" to each auntie upon meeting them, they'll call you a disrespectful child with no manners.
But hey, at least you get to feel like a celebrity when you get picked up from the airport.
Even if gossip takes on a whole new meaning when you're Pakistani.
No matter how hard you try, you're always late.
Whenever you meet a fellow Pakistani, your first question is, "Yeah but where are you from?"
And then you'll establish who speaks better Urdu.
Your parents spend a lot of time reminiscing about the "good, old days" in Pakistan.
But hey, there are places in every city that'll make you feel like you're at home.
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