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12 Things Adoptive Parents Are Tired Of Hearing

"They're so so lucky you picked them..."

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1. "How could anyone not love a little face like that?"

Sian Butcher/ BuzzFeed

Love is hardly ever the problem, our adopted children's birth parents loved them dearly but in all likelihood there was something else that was going on that led to them becoming a "Looked After Child."

Some of these reasons are harrowing, but even so they were loved, and will be.

2. Any sentence that contains the words "Real Mum" or "Real Dad".

I'm their Dad thanks very much, their real Dad if you really want to put it like that.

I'm the one that is doing all the dirty nappies, all the feeding, all the playtimes, bathtimes, bedtimes, stories, plasters, swimming/violin/tennis/karate/recorder lessons and everything else that a "real" Mum or Dad does.

It just so happens that my child has a birth Mum and Dad, or sometimes a tummy Mummy that one day, when they're ready we'll help them find out all about.

3. "They're so lucky they've got you."

Sian Butcher/ BuzzFeed

No, not really.

They've probably been through an incredible amount of shit before they "got us", they've experienced more crap in their short lives that many of us will experience in our entire existences, things you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, so, no, they're not lucky.

We, on the other hand, are incredibly lucky. We've been asked to help change this little person's life and given them the childhood they deserve, as normal a one as possible, and to shower them with love.

4. "Who do they look like?"

They look like themselves, duh!

Everyone's different, we may share some genetic similarities to our biological parents, and occasionally we even look a little like people we have no direct genetic link to at all, we realised just the other week that my Dad looks a lot like Biggins when a concierge asked him for his autograph! They're definitely not related!

During the adoption process we may get the opportunity to see photos of – or even meet – birth family members, but don't ask us who they look like.

5. "Was it really worth all the scrutiny from social workers?"

Sian Butcher

It may have been a complete pain in the arse to have to revisit long forgotten memories of ex-partners, or how we felt our childhood experiences would make us good parents, and we probably moaned like hell at the time.

We probably got really stressed around panel times, and wondered if we had what it took to get through it.

But, yes it totally was! Every single second!

One smile or giggle and the long process is forgotten totally.

6. "You're like superheroes rescuing these children like you have!"

Again, not really! In a movie a hero would rescue someone well before they were hurt in any way. Our children will have been hurt, it might not be a hurt you can see but it will definitely be there.

Having said that I do like wearing a cape sometimes...

7. "Bet it was really uncomfortable when you had to pick up the little one from the foster carer?"

Sian Butcher/BuzzFeed

My heart goes out to all Foster Carers, they do an utterly amazing thing. To love, care and cherish our children, in the most difficult of times for them.

Yes, it was hard, hardest for them and a mixture of joy and sadness for adopters. And also being really shit scared of not living up to the amazing job foster carers do!

8. "You know you're probably going to get pregnant now you've adopted don't you..."

Firstly, maybe someone did once and this story has just carried on through the years, but in all likelihood this is complete rubbish.

Secondly, and as all adoptive parents with birth children will tell you, it will not make one jot of difference whether we first meet our little one in a hospital maternity ward or a foster carer's front room, both children will be special and loved infinitely no matter where they came from.

9. "You'll have to really spoil them you know..."

Sian Butcher/ BuzzFeed

As if the right thing to do is to constantly try and bribe them for their affection and for a reciprocated love from this point onwards!

We will spoil them a bit, and so will their army of new doting grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins and friends, but no more or less than we'd do for any other tiddly peeps in the family. The most important thing they really need and that we can give in bucket loads is love and security. Which they don't seem to sell down at Toys R Us.

10. "Yeah but you'll love your own kids more though won't you?"

Of course not, in our eyes they're all "our own kids", we don't love any single one of them a single ounce more or less than the next one.

They don't get treated any differently or get any special treatment.

11. "So, what's wrong with them then?"

Sian Butcher/ BuzzFeed

Not going to lie, part of the adoption process involves us finding out every single detail of their little life so far, no holds barred, no gloss or sugar coating. But, if you think that means we are going to divulge every fact to you, think again.

It's their story to tell, when they're ready to fully understand it at some point in the future, but not yet. Just know that whatever they've experienced so far, our job, and the job of our friends and family is to give them as close to a normal childhood as possible. If you could help us out without fishing for information, that would be awesome!

12. "Aren't you just being a bit silly not putting photos of them on Facebook, what's the worst that could happen?"

If you want to put photos of your kids all over the internet that's fine, we're not going to tell you if it's right or wrong. It's a great way to let your nearest and dearest keep up to date with how you're all getting on.

However, sometimes it isn't just your friends and family that see your photos, and we owe it to our children to keep them safe and in a secure environment and not run the risk of any people who may want to track them down finding out where they might be.

So, not, it's not silly, just cautious!

If you want to find out more about adoption, there's a massive amount of information available from the British Association for Adoption and Fostering, check out their website at www.baaf.org.uk

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