I don’t know what my human was playing at by giving me a coloring book, considering the fact that I don’t have opposable fucking thumbs, but I suppose some thought went into it. My cage is covered with posters of O.D.B. and Ghostface Killah, and the other night my human caught me krumping to some N.W.A. Also, I live in North Brooklyn and if I have to hear another dreamy, synth-laden chillwave pile of shit again, I’ll force myself into early hibernation.
Anyway, since I couldn’t color the book, I mostly just looked through it, and dare I say it, I was amused. Sure, I would’ve liked a few more female emcees (You put in fuckin’ Macklemore but not Angel Haze or Lauryn Hill?), but I’m generally a fan of anything that involves Biggie’s Cosby sweaters or Action Bronson’s beard. I ended up doing all the book activities the best I could with my limited resources (i.e. cat food and the contents of my litter box).
I hope this kind of publication leads to more awareness of the underground hedgehog hip hop scene, which is incredibly under-represented thanks to the assholes over at the kitty reggaeton brigade. Fucking cats. One guest-verse on a Pitbull track and they think they’re the top of the fucking food chain.
Clementine was born on July 2011 to an unknown breeder in New Jersey. She made her Internet debut on September 2012, and since then, her Tumblr book review series has gained acclaim from authors like Emma Straub, Ned Vizzini and Jami Attenberg. In her spare time, Clementine sleeps, eats and exercises on her scurry wheel. She also has a new book that’s out now from Black Balloon Publishing: Clementine Classics: Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser.