Animal Behaviors That Would Be Absurd If Humans Did Them

Are we really all so different?

1. What if we slept all day like cats?

Adam Ellis

Would this benefit us as a species? Probably not. Our muscles would atrophy and we’d end up like those people you hear about on the news who fuse to their mattresses and have to be airlifted to the ER. Then again, sleeping is pretty great, so maybe it’s a fair trade off?

2. What if we shot blood from our eyes as a self defense mechanism like horned lizards?

Adam Ellis

Would this benefit us as a species? Absolutely. Plus it would make for a totally badass party trick, and bring a whole new facet to death metal concerts.

3. What if our faces ballooned to an enormous size like a pufferfish every time were were annoyed?

Adam Ellis

Would this benefit us as a species? Debatable. It would probably hurt. It might lead to a more honest society, however.

4. What if we gave birth to giant litters of babies like dogs?

Adam Ellis

Would this benefit us as a species? Nope. The world would quickly become overrun and you can’t drop your brats off at the pound when you get sick of them.

5. What if we went south for six months every winter like birds?

Adam Ellis

Would this benefit us as a species? Most likely. A change of scenery is always nice, and Florida is lovely in the winter. You can get hopped up on bath salts but leave before it starts to wreck your psyche.

6. Instead of diamonds, what if we proposed with pebbles like penguins?

Adam Ellis

Would this benefit us as a species? Yes. Diamonds are just clear rocks. The entire diamond industry is basically a scam.

7. What if we decapitated and devoured our mates after sex like mantises?

Adam Ellis

Would this benefit us as a species? Depends on who you ask. I’d say yes.

8. What if we ate 60 pounds of meat in one sitting like tigers?

Adam Ellis

Would this benefit us as a species? Yes. End of discussion.

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