1. Thou shalt have no other cats before me, nor give nuzzles to other kitties, even if they are cute.
But if we purr in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of that dead bird from the back porch cleanses us from all sin. - Meowverbs 1:7
2. Thou shalt not kill, for that is my job, except I won’t kill anything all the way, and instead leave it on the carpet for you to finish off.
You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to scratches. - Catthew 5:21
3. Thou shalt upload no fewer than 3 photos of your cat to Instagram per week, but no more than 2 per day, as not to annoy thy followers.
Give us this day our daily cat photo. - Moewderonomy 6:11
4. Thou shalt have no fewer than 12 nicknames for your pet.
A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold. -Meowderonomy 22:1
8. Thou shalt not leave drinks on the counter, lest they be knocked to the floor, because every flat surface is fair game for felines.
For each will have to bear his own load of dirty dishes, because if you don’t clean them your cat will knock them all to the floor and then you’ll have to buy a new set at Ikea. - Meowverbs 6:5
- The Army Corps of Engineers and North Dakota police have ordered protesters to leave the Dakota Access Pipeline site by this afternoon or face arrest.
- Immigrants are worried two government memos are laying the groundwork for the deportation force Trump promised on the campaign trail.
- A US federal judge ruled that Texas can't cut Planned Parenthood out of its Medicaid program.
- Yalla! You can now download a new Arab emoji keyboard that includes a belly dancer, Oman Chips, and more 👏